Saturday, January 31, 2009

I'm Back and I'm Here To Stay

I has been at least 4 months since I blogged. What a journey. I had to take off from being a blogger. It's like a part time job (to me). From typing your life's journey, finding a picture to go with your gist, editing, spell check, reading other bloggers rants, commenting on their page, trying to keep up with the overall comments, let alone trying to keep up with all 15+ bloggers you read, deleting that lengthy paragraph that you think is redundant (lol, you said one thing and worded it 4 different ways, lol), from checking wedding pics, to wardrobes and the list goes I said it's a part time job. Overall, I did sneak a peak at some of my favorite bloggers...but I didn't do much commenting (I tried to stay on the DL). Special thanks to YNC BABE for introducing me to other bloggers who I enjoy reading.

Not just only did I take off from blogworld, but I resigned from the 2yr job after Thanksgiving. That was the stress corporate. Guys, when I say I had no energy left to give after work......NO ENERGY!!!! Ever since I started working there, I was supposed to get off work @5pm....guess what.....more so 7pm and later. Although the company was getting benefits from me working late, my family was suffering. How am I going to work as a family service worker and I can't even give services to my OWN family! I don't mean any harm, but when the family suffers then it's time to look for something else. Family first, #1ministry! Dinner wasn't getting cooked, children were being neglected on all levels, and the house, my hubby was trying to talk to me, but I found myself zoning out. Ohh Lawdy, just looking at the laundry made my chest hurt....dirty dishes, ohhh myyy....something gotta go! After the heart surgery (in '07) the Dr.'s diagnosed me with lupus, so I truly can't afford to stress. I need to refocus because I'm not healthy mentally, physically, and spiritually.

So guess what I'm doing now. My new job is at Gold's Gym and there I work out 5x a day. I met with a personal trainer and I told her everything about my health. I told her about the 4 high blood pressure medication I'm on, the lupus disease, 2 heart meds, the surgery and by the time I was done, her face was in shock mode. She said I was too young for all of that especially the four high blood pressure meds. She said it's time for me to get serious about my life and stop taking my life for granted.....I wanted to cry when she said that because she was right. My problem is that I pig out on special occasion (mind you the weekend is a special occasion for me). According to their weight charts I'm EXTREMELY obese, lol...not just obese, but EXTREMELY....wowwwww. I'm short framed 5'3 so that doesn't help. I have 75lbs to lose and I have already lost over 11lbs. FYI, I started at 230, I'm currently 219. My trainer striped my diet harshly. She give me a list of foods and when to eat them. Everything is fresh fruits, veggies, lean meat and water ONLY! She said when I pee, it better look like water. The only carbs I can have are oatmeal, kashi cereal, brown rice, and yam. So far it's been ok, but I did break down twice and got my fav food, PIZZA.

I thank God so much for my husband being in agreement with me taking off from work to 'get it together.' Not many can do that. My health is so important and one of my doctor's said that I can beat the lupus if I lose the weight. So I'm going to take advantage of this time and bust my tail to get healthy again and back into my 9/10-11/12 clothes. When I do, I'm going to thank God, and then treat myself to a short, edgy, posh bob and buy something nice.

No matter where you are in life or what you may be going through, remember that you are special and your life is a special occasion. So no more abusing, absolutely no self bashing yourself whether it be physically, spiritually starving yourself and especially verbally. No more saying that you suck, I'm an accident, dumb, ugly, no good, fat, skinny, not worth it, clumsy, it's too late, trash, nobody cares about me, no life, it's over, who's gonna want me now God back in the center of your heart and the rest will heal. God doesn't make/create junk, He makes treasures and can turn your ashes into beauty. Just because you may not have seen or found it yet, doesn't mean it's not there...

Love you all