Monday, November 23, 2009

Happy Birthday To Me....Again

This year has been really a trying time in my life. Can't go all into details, but just know that your girl over here has been tried and went through every obstacle courses with self, marriage, life and spiritual walk. However I must say God is so good.

There was a point where I was angry, bitter, hurt, fearful and whatever else of God. Yes, I was mad at Him for sometime because of the things I went through. I didn't understand it. Wasn't clear. What did I do to deserve this hurt and pain?

During this course of my emotional roller coaster, God knew he couldn't talk to me Himself, so He had to send people my way. People would give me like a 'gold nugget' or a rose and I knew it was from God. You know, like a piece of hope, encouragement, testimony, or even something materialistic, or the simplest thing like gum! Has God ever done something like that for you? He has also used strangers and used movies to speak to me. He has even used bloggers as well to stir up that hope, that child like faith that was once there.
Certain bloggers had posted up some awesome entries that were confirmation of what God showed me long ago. A desire that was once aborted, burned and forsaken, now has sparked again, but this time it's going to burn bright.

Some of you all may not always understand why I say, or do the things I do. You haven't and probably won't ever go through what I went through in my marriage, but all I can say is don't judge. Why? Because I don't want it happening to you. Not even my worst enemy. So if you don't understand someone's behavior or attitude or insecurities, instead of saying silly things or announcing that wouldn't be you, why don't you pray for them and declare blessing over them. You have no clue of the intense hurt and pain I have been through. So bad that after the heart surgery the doctors diagnosed me with Lupus and other things. I know I got that from stressing over the marriage, yes, that's how bad it was. Lupus is where something very traumatic or highly extreme emotional stress happens where your system starts attacking instead of working together. But I know God will heal me from this. I have faith, great faith and I know it will be a testimony. I have been healed before, so this is no different.

So now what? God is going to take all that 'compose' and use it. He's going to put it (experience, hurt, pain, doubt, mock, etc....) into the spiritual recycle bin and use it for His glory. He's going to take my ashes and make it something beautiful. God can use anything or anyone. Are you willing?

I said all of that to say that through it all, God did not give up on me through my nasty pissy attitude towards Him. He stilled loved me and used family, friends, and bloggers to love on me from a distant. I wasn't ready to hear His voice again because I would have cursed Him out, but God kept sending people my way giving me spiritual roses via phone, email, Facebook, etc...

I broke down today during a phone call because I was given a word from the Lord. Too long and it's was for my ears anyway. I thought God lied to me, that was pretty much the bulk of it. I was let down. However I will share and say that love conquers all. You can only run from God but for so long. Needless to say, I'm back in the body of Christ. I'm back home, born again Christian, again. So Happy Birthday to Me!

Feels so good to be home in God's arms again. So cold out there, very cold world. I have no more fear, doubt, confusion, bitterness towards God, unforgiveness, etc....He healed and fixed all of that and gave me a new hope.

God wants me to believe again, the promises that He told me years ago. I will, shall do just that. I want ALL that God has for me. He promised me and you a bright future and so shall it be. AMEN.

Thank you and I love you all

Lady A

Friday, November 20, 2009

I Know It's A Little Early, But

Happy Thanksgiving

This is the time where we can really reflect on God's goodness in our lives. Being thankful is one of the secrets to life success. If you can't appreciate the little, then you may not appreciate the big. Don't want to have that 'never satisfied' attitude.

I know I have a lot, but in the same breath, I don't, depending on if I'm comparing myself with someone who is very successful and rich.
But I do know one thing, I have life, health, and peace. So priceless and precious.

Here are some of the things I am thankful for:

  • Love
  • Family
  • Healthy children
  • Loving husband
  • House
  • 2 cars (I remember the day we had to share 1)
  • Heat to stay warm during these times
  • Job (though it's not the best, I have one)
  • My parents (both of my parents are still alive and together, now that's a blessing!)
  • My sisters and their families
  • Food
  • Helping others (because it keeps me grounded and focus)
  • Friends (from elementary, to blogville, it's a blessing and amazing how many friends I have made from this blog)
  • Eyesight (I was once blind as a bat)
  • Hair on my head (this is taken for granted, but I so thank God for the hair on my head. Some ppl are bald, or can't grow their hair)

There are many other blessings I try not to take for granted, but again, those are just a few.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Let's be thankful for what we have.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Why can't my room stay clean. Does it ever end with the clothes, shoes, hair products, junk and such? Sometimes I think a bigger room with a huge walk in closet and organizer is the answer, and I still think that is the answer. Where on earth do I put all my handbags? I stash them on the top selve of my closet, under my bed, on the side of my dresser, behind my headboard and occasionally they might end up on my hubby's side of his closet, oopss, sorry honey. And my shoes. I'm a shoe freak. My own little fetish are SHOES. I have so many nice shoes and they are everywhere around my house!

It's really getting old and frustrating. Gosh! Why can't I have a closet space like Mariah, Paula, or Kimora Lee's?

Life isn't fair, lol!

Lady A

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Cold Wet Rainy Days

Are the best! I am on my laptop, looking at wedding websites, reading the love stories, (Thanks YNC!), sipping on hot chocolate. Bundled up in my favorite throw rug. It's warm and cozy in my house. Family is still out. Kids are at school and hubby at work. I'm just taking it all in.
I'm not worried about doing dishes, laundry or any housework that needs to be done. It's not going anywhere, so why rush to do it?
We will be ordering out dinner for tonight. I think Chinese will do it.
I love moments like these.
I love cold wet rainy days.
Lady A

Monday, November 9, 2009

I Wish.........

I wish I was rich. Rich, rich and rich.

Not just in health, wisdom, character, personality, and in God, but rich as in money rich.
I want a yacht, Bentley and travel where ever, when ever.

I want to throw parties. Not just any party. But it will be an all white party and the purpose of this is to get souls saved. You know how Kimora Lee or P.Diddy do parties, well it will be like that but different.

I want to save the world, but I can't.

I want to reach out to all who hurt, but I can't. People at my old job would tease me and say, "Angela, you can't save/help them all" They were right. That's what Jesus is for.

I wanted a wedding. Never had one.

I wanted a baby shower, didn't get one. More like a pity party, they felt sorry for me, all 2 people and one for the ride were there.

I wanted professional pregnancy pictures, didn't get that either.

I want to be on T.V....still waiting, I know it's coming.....

I wanted a second chance with love. That was a joke, did I really think that? HA!

I want friends who can remember my birthday without me hinting or reminding them. Is this too much to ask for?

I want to shop and eat whatever and whenever without being on a budget or without getting fat.

I want a bridal shower and a bachlorette party. You only live once and can do these special events once (supposedly). I have no special memories of such.

I want to hit the reset button on my life. But there is no such.

I want to be 25 years old forever. Seems like time won't stand still.

I want spa treatments once every two weeks. Esther did it more than that, why can't I?

I want to build a Children's Home in several countries, starting in India.

I want my husband to watch something else other than ESPN and NCIS.

I want to eat cookie dough without worrying about the raw egg consumption

I want my children to be more successful than me.....

I want so much out of life and I feel like I haven't gotten anything or anywhere....

All I have is a testimony, that's it, a testimony......

I wonder, how much more is that worth.


Monday, November 2, 2009

Respect The Wife

Husband and I went into Sam's Club the other day. If you don't know by now, he's a high school math teacher. Seems like everywhere we go, there is a current or former student that will scream out his name saying hello. This used to get on my nerves because I felt like I would be disrespected in a way. Female or male students, if they didn't acknowledge me, then I would have a chip on my shoulder. Especially when female students do it. They already look like they are 25 years old and act like 12 year olds. That's one reason why I like to always look the part when out with hubby. Hubby's students will look me up and down and I can tell they are judging hard. No room for error. I must be on point and give them something postive to talk about and plenty of times they have. Hubby will always come back with a report of what students said about me. It's funny how they will try and size me up.

Anyway, like always, several students where there at Sam's Club working or shopping. This one girl saw my husband from afar and hollered out, "HI MR. G!!!!" Regardless how many times it happens, it always get under my skin and bother me. Why? It's rude! So rude and disrespectful! People, especially the young generation don't take into consideration the spouse.
This girl was walking with maybe her mom and siblings. My husband smiled at her and waved back with a hello. Whatever!

So check this out. As hubby and I continued walking, the girl's mother turned around and came to me with the rest of her children. Mother said to me, "excuse me, are you his wife?" People, if you know my marriage past, then you already know what I was thinking. I blogged about the crap I went through in my marriage, if you don't know, then read later.

So when she asked that, I was like, "oooooo noooo, what now?!" "I thought this drama was over!" So when I replied to her, my voice was shaky. I said, "yes, I am." The mother looked at her daughter who is my husband's student and said to her, "This is Mr. G's wife, you respect her and acknowledge her as well!!" This mother said it with such authority, firmness, and strictly too. The daughter was a little embarrassed and apologize to me and dropped her head down. I told the mother that's how my mother is and thank you for that. WOW! It's about time someone said something. See when I did tell my hubby how I felt, he just brushed it off or thought I took it out of proportion or make excuses for them.

People like that still exists! Now only if the mother could teach that to all of the students, lol.
Seriously though, I feel like that's my husband's job to do. I shouldn't have to be guard dog and look like the mean insecure wife. Hubby should put his students in check, not me! He needs to let them know when they run to him in public and I'm with him, that they need to speak to me. It's respect. I have seen other husband's do it before, because it was done to me and from that day forward, I speak to the wife FIRST!

I wanted to tell hubby how I felt because it is an issue that always bothered me. I just try to ignore it but for the most part, I'll catch an attitude when the student want to talk an hour long about nothing. I'm thinking, "don't you see us trying to have quality time together?" Again, I blame my hubby because he needs to put his foot down. But knowing him, he'll probably say, "what am I suppose to do.....or I'm not going to push them away..." Blah, blah blahhhhhh.

For the record, I know these students may not mean any harm, but still, they need to learn and know. If hubby doesn't correct this ongoing behavior then they will continue without seeing anyting wrong with it. Real gentleman? Where? Somewhere, right?