Tuesday, December 25, 2007


I truly hope that all have a wonderful Christmas. Yeah, yeah, we know it's not all about the gifts, trees, food, however it's about God's love; He love us so much that He sent His only son Jesus to us. Let us continue to be thankful for every single thing God has done. We have eyes to see, ears to hear, you know the simple little things in life we probably take for granted everyday.
Let's not look at what we don't have, focus on the good and what you DO have. Check this out....are you not reading this blog, be thankful that you can read.
2008 is the year of new beginnings and many other things. For me, I will finally be living my life like I was suppose to be. The surgery was a bitter sweet incident. It really was good for me for that to happen. I realize that I wasn't living my life to the fullest. I was always putting off "fun" or simple pleasure of life. Basically, I was living in the future and not living in the now. Well bloggers, I finally can say, I'm ready to live my life now. And I will live in the "now" and not tomorrow. If I want to get, buy, do, eat, watch, and the moment is right, then I will do so. NO more putting my life on hold, for no MAN or WOMAN....I'm living my life.....finally.
Bloggers, have a safe and wonderful New Year's

Saturday, December 1, 2007

I Had Heart Surgery, Yup, Sure Did

I don't even know where to begin or how to start. Should I talk about the past on how I believe it all start or should I begin with this year......dunno. It's bad enough that I'm a lengthy writer and I want to keep it as simple as possible. As young as I am I would have never thought it could happent to me. Enough....this is what happen. It all started with me not feeling well. Coughing, sweating, fever, I went to the Dr. and he said I had bronchitis. Gave me the meds and I was on my merry way. I was fine for a while, but I notice that when I'm doing my normal get ready for work routine that I was huffing and puffing and my heart rate was racing like crazy, but I thought nothing of it (actually I did which I need to lose this weight). When I dropped off my children to school, my heart was really pounding and I felt light headed. So fast forward.....I went back to my doctor because I was having chest pains and my legs were numb, and my finger tips were very tender, so tender that I had trouble opening a piece of candy or even turning the steering wheel. Doctor said I had the pnemonia and gave me meds and wanted me to get blood work done, so I did. Blood work came back and it was very low. I was suppose to be a 12, but I was a 9. My iron was shot....I am anemic so Dr. gave me iron pills. Oh yeah, I forgot. I could not keep anything down. I was forever throwing up, so for a couple of days I was barley eating but I was drinking juice. So got new meds from Dr. and took it. I wasn't getting better. My sister suggested that I go to the emergency room, but I was like no.... Two more days passed by and Sunday around 4:30pm, I couldn't take it any more. I was breathing so hard and my heart felt like it was going to bust! I couldn't even lay down to sleep, I slept on my knees and elbows. I had to take a bath before I went to the hospital, who knows what they are going to do, besides, you know that saying, "make sure you have on clean underwear when you go to the hospital, lol" It took me 3 hours to get ready. When I was in the tub and tried to pick up my washcloth, I was totally out of breath, I mean seriously huffing and puffing. It was work trying to wash up, dry off and put on my clothes. Each item of clothing took at least 5 minutes or so, yes people, it was that bad. Half the time I was sitting down trying to catch my breath. I'm totally convince that I needed to go to the hospital. You see, I'm the type that tries and will duke it out. Finally I made it downstairs, got the phone and called my hubby to take me to the hospital.
At The Hospital
I'm staggering into the hospital as if I ran a marathon. Signed in and I looked over to my right where the waiting room was and it was PACKED!!!! It looked like a club. I'm thinking, " ohhh lord, I'm going to die." The lady sat me down and asked me questions and then the personal questions. I was a little embarrass because baby daddy was right there of course. Because I check off the sign in paper, chest pains, shortness of breath, nausea, and two other things and then I added the numb legs, vomiting, fever, sweating, and dizzy they immediately gave me a room to be examined. They popped me in the wheelchair and I was in room #8, ahhh yes, the # means new beginnings.....Anyway, they started on me and they were moving very fast pace. They strip my clothes off and gave me the oh so beautiful hospital gown, took my blood, did X-rays on my chest, hooked me up to the oxygen, and slapped an IV in my arm. Dr. came and was asking me all the questions in the world. Then Dr. got the cardiologist. He came in and asked his dozen of questions and told me he was going to do an ECO on my heart to see what was going on. Brought the machine in and like an ultrasound he was looking at my heart, and so was I. Look at it, pumping hard, went through a heart.....been broken....yet still beating.....been stressed.....yet still beating...been wounded....but Jesus healed it all. Ok, so the cardiologist discovers that there was fluid around my heart and it was lots of it. How did it get there? Your guess is just as good as mines. But it's there and it needs to go. Now the cardiologist is talking about 2 types of surgery that he can preform. As he is talking to my hubby and I on the procedures, I space out thinking to myself, "what the heck?! I'm about to get heart surgery? I'm only 31 years old, what's going on?" The cardiologist told my hubby it will be an hour procedure and they rushed me off in the bed to the operating room. As they did, I was praying like crazy.
On The Operating Table
Ohhhhh lord, I'm actually going to be operated on! They prep my body and groin area for that thing to go where my heart is. Yes bloggers, I was up.....I should have been put to sleep. Anywho (smile), he started in the groin area first and as he did he kept squirting the numbing stuff then he finally got where the fluid was. He tried to get it out but for whatever reason it wouldn't happen. He tried and tried and got frustrated. I got frustrated too, laying on that cold table and I think I'm going to die. What was suppose to be an hour long ended up to be 3 1/2 hours. Because he couldn't get the fluid, he popped his gloves off and got on the phone and appeared as though he was fussing to another Dr. stating his case. Got off the phone, and then he started in a new area which was under my left breast. There he go again, sticking that long thing in my forward...the fluid still wouldn't come out. Now I'm ready to get off this table! Then I found my body fading away......OH MY GOSH!!!!!!! I panicked! I told the Dr. and the nurses, "my body is fading body is fading away......" The Dr. said "what?" "Your fine, all your vital signs are healthy" Then I said, "no, my body is fading away." Don't laugh bloggers, but this is what happened....first, my butt left, I no longer felt it, then my legs left off the table, arms, then my speech became very slur and my tongue was paralyze, then I went deaf, I could no longer hear. OHHHHH NOOOOOOO, I'm about to die and I didn't even tell my love ones good bye. So then I begin to repent and ask God to get all the unforgiveness out of my heart, etc...... What an experience. I was in a dark place and there was this tiny bit of light. I was too scared to really look to see where I was, I didn't know if I was going to see demons or angels. I asked God if I was going to go home with Him and He said, "I will live and not die" I continue to pray and I wasn't trying to accept the fact that that I was going to die like was suppose to be a simple heart procedure. I was praying and missing if you know what I mean. You know how you pray but you just missing it, so you have to quiet yourself and your emotions and will to God so He can show you what you need to pray for....well, that's what happen. I finally quiet myself and sure enough the holy spirit showed me that I had offense in my heart towards my husband. Matter of fact the Lord played back the event. It was when I was sick and I really thought that I was going to die and I told my husband that if I die, I wanted you to know that I really loved, and he said in so many words, "whatever attitude" So that hurt my heart....when the Lord should me that I held that against him, I was like..."ohh dear". So I repented. Then I asked God again, will I die? I don't want to, I have 3 children to raise, yes they pluck my nerves sometimes, but I want to raise the Lord assured me that I was going to survive the heart surgery. God did tell me so other things but that is just for my ears. It was a divine appointment. Too bad it had to happen like that, but it was needful, very needful. It was a wake up call for me and my destiny. So then all of the sudden my body came back and my speech came back and my hearing. I kept saying to the Dr. and nurses, "my body is back, my body is back," they looked at me and said, "good." I know they were probably thinking, "you never left". Oh well. Little did they know I had an appointment with God.
The Dr. tilt my body several times to get the fluid and and very little came out, so he quick the surgery and left the drain in my side under my breast. I was in much pain but happy because it was over and I'm alive. They finished me off and put me in the bed and off I went.
Husband was there to greet me and I was in such pain and drugged up. This male nurse was my nurse and he was not a good nurse. But later I got me a good nurse who really took care of me. From then, all day everyday, they took my blood, gave me shots like crazy, pricking my finger, Xrays, even on my hands, cat scans, kidney dyopsis (msp), and a blood transfusion, it was crazy. They strip my diet to 2gr. of sodium and 2gr. of fat, they said I had hyper tension. I was in the hospital for 2 weeks. They released me the day before Thanksgiving. I dropped 25lbs in the hospital. When I got home, all I did was sleep and stay in the bed for another two weeks straight. I'm still in recovery mode. I still have some pain as I type, but each day I'm getting stronger. I'm watching what I'm eating, especially the salt intake. I'm thankful and grateful that God gave me another chance to live. It's funny how you think you maybe ready to die, and give up on life. No, don't, there is too much work here on this earth to be done, things will get better, you just have to hold out to the very end. Life is really precious and I'm glad I'm here. Don't take life or your love ones for granted, you never know. Had I died, how would you all ever known? Yes bloggers I did cry at the hospital, but again it was a wake up call for my destiny. I thank God for another day. Love you all.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Why Did I Get Married?

I must say, this movie is a must see. I have to admit, when I heard the title, I was offended. Reading that question was like listening to a person who has many regrets, attitudes and hurt against what God ordained, marriages. However, when I watched and saw different previews, I realized that Tyler Perry wasn't putting down marriages. I was reading the title wrong. I was reading it in a regretful way. Try it, read the title in a more happy/appreciative way...."Why did I get Married?" Funny how we can say one thing in 5 different ways. We can say "close the door" in 5 ways. Anyway, I also realized that there was no "Madea" in this movie. The reason why I'm not crazy about Madea (Tyler Perry plays this part as a woman) is because it's cross dressing. In Deutermony it states that a man should not put on woman's garment and vice versa. When one cross dress, they are channeling attract those spirits. Totally against the word of God....anyway, that's another subject for another time.
I went to see this movie Saturday. I was on a hot date. Who was I dating? Myself, lol. It was just me, I treated myself and it was so wonderful that I will go to the movies by myself again.
Onto the movie, I loved all the characters, but more importantly it was real life drama issues that may creep up in marriages. Who reminded me of moi and the same drama issues was the character played by Jill Scott aka Sheila. OH MY GOSH, watching her was like watching ME. She was the one believing in God to heal the marriage BUT the husband didn't want to do or live right by her....sound familiar? He was sick of her being fat, forever complaing about her weight issues...sound familiar again? All I can say is that I saw a lot of me in her issues. Yeah, he divorce her, but the sweet thing was that someone was there to help her heal.....ok, in my case it was the Holy Spirit, not some good looking dude, lol. But this guy did lead and guide her righteously. The another character Angela will have y0u laughing. She is hilarious....please, just see the movie...don't boot leg it....
You know when you have allowed God to thoroughly heal you. You'll know because when you see or go back on memory lane on the matter, you feel no pain or hurt. You don't get that negative feeling. You don't even have the urge to cry or get just calm and have peace in you heart. I truly believe and know that God healed me from the hurtful issues in my marriage. I was able to watch this character Sheila go through the same abuse that I did and not hurt....I could relate, but I didn't hurt. That's awesome. Whatever you maybe hurting from no matter how traumatic, God can heal you, BUT you have to let Him do it all the way. Stop taking back the healing process, stop! Just keep releasing it even if it's everyday. Let God heal you all the way, it's worth it. NO MORE STUFFING your hurt, pain, regrets, shame. Loose it right now in Jesus Name and ask for forgiveness. Now ask God to fill you with His love. Man's love is conditional, but God's love is unconditional. So what if your daddy hurt you, your mama wasn't there for you...pls, your dad can't even answer why he did what he did, so STOP IT!!! And look to God to heal you, then you will get your answer that you have been waiting for years for.

Monday, September 24, 2007

No Words Can Explain How Beautiful This Is!!!!

This is dedicated at all my wedding website lovers *wink*
Please read the story first.
Imagine......... thinking you are attending your brother's birthday party, just to find out your boyfriend has reserved ten (10) rooms @ the Ritz Carlton...Upon entering each room a special letter is being read by someone special (in your circle of friends/family). Please take notice to the detail of each room, different color roses and some are laced in gold (breath taking). I'm not sure how long it took this young man to prepare this surprise for her... But I'm very sure she was very pleased.This is off the charts and very romantic. Robert is a graduate of Southern University (Q-dog) and is now an accountant with Home Depot at their corporate office in Atlanta . My understanding is that he financially footed the bill for this weekend himself. It was not supplemented by his parents. I was told that he moved in with his sister for approx. 6mos. and saved the money to pay for the engagement ring and all of the bells and whistles for this very special evening.A radio station in ATL was playing the song in the slide show and described what he had done and some men called in saying they had to step their game up. It actually touched a few of them because they admitted they didn't respect women on the level that he respects her.

For the record, I did not write this story. I don't even know who to give the credit to. It was sent to me through an email as a fwd. Just wanted to make that clear.

Now for my input.....
All I can say is WOW!!! Do men like that really exist. How did he even get this vision. You know it was from God. Everything is symbolic. It makes me wonder how did he even come to something like this. He really values her and that is so special especially in these days. I pray that they will have a wonderful marriage. I am so happy for that sister. I pray he treats her right and is respectful to her. So ladies and men, I guess there is hope. For the record, there is always hope.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Worth Watching

Friday, August 24, 2007


Eyahhhh! Opps, Yeahhhhh! LOL! So excited, can't even type. Yes, by the grace of God, the doors were open.
I have been looking for a job for a little over 3 years now but couldn't find one. Then it got to the point where I was going to settle. Mind you I have a degree, trust me, that doesn't mean much, but if you have it then it would be nice to use it. My mom kept fussing at me saying over and over, "you have to get your foot in the door or you have to crawl before you walk", does that mean McDonald's!? I thought I paid my dues in crawling. Ok, I wouldn't mind being a secretary in an office, but starting on the very bottom, sorry, but I'm not feeling it. Please, this sista had scrubbed floors/toilets, worked at the Burger King, McDonald's, Playtex factory and Sunroc (the water cooler that's probably in your office). I was in this program that helps you find a job, but the jobs they were offering or showing us were these "out of high school" jobs. It was frustrating. All I kept thinking was, "after being a stay at home mom for over 7 years, and all the sacrificing that I did, is this what I get?" Can I have at least something in my field (sociology)!? Man, but you know, I had to submit my ways to God again and ask Him for what He wanted, not me. Ok, so then the word got out that Protor&Gamble were hiring for 1st, 2nd and 3rd shift. By now people I was exhausted from looking/applying for jobs by now. My attitude was, WHATEVER!!!!! I just kept thinking what my mom kept saying, so I'm like you know what, screw it! I'll apply. Then I had to readjust my attitude, cuz people I'm really hurting. Is this the best I can do!? Then it's only for $7.75/hr! But then the Lord brought something to my attention, which was, "it's not about you". If God wanted me to go on an assignment at P&G for a soul or souls then so be it. Its' about Kingdom business. You take care of God's business He'll surely take care of your heart desires. Sure enough, I went through the process and took the drug test and all. Wait, I already applied and had an interview for the job position that I really wanted. Family Service Worker at a corporation. I usually would pray my heart out for this job I wanted, but you know, I'm maturing now, instead of praying my will, I just said "Lord, your will be done." I rested off of that. Anyway, long story short, when I was done with the drug test I went home thinking well, I'll be working at a factory again, at least it's a job. When I opened the door, my mom said, "Ms.Blah called and she said you got the job." I'm thinking, WHAT!?" Mom said it again, "Ms. Blah called from Telamon Corp. and said you got the job." I was smiling, but shocked. I'm thinking, "they want me?"
Funny, I truly know with all my heart it was a test from God. First of all, when hired, they do not give out that information over the phone, secondly, once I gave up my will and asked God for His will to be done (gave up my desires for HIS desires), then that's when God moved on my behalf and opened that door. That's what I learned this time round. Although I knew it, I was blinded out of desperateness. Have you ever been so desperate that you'll do almost whatever it takes. Yeah, that was I.
Needless to say, I HAVE A JOB!!!!! So far I've been working there for only 2 days. It feels like home and I know I will enjoy it. The staff is down to earth and friendly. I have a feeling that I will be there for a while. Oh yeah, my hours are the bomb. 7:30am-2:30pm, plus I'm 5mins away from my children's school, how awesome is that. I'm thankful, because I wanted something close to my children's school and not burn up the highway every morning.
Everything else is cool. Can't believe this year is almost over. I've been a lil busy now since school is starting for the kids plus this new job.......I GOT A JOB!!!!
Feels good getting back out there. I'm still adjusting.
I Got A Job!!!

Monday, August 6, 2007

It's My Birthday!

Yes, yes...I'm 31 years experience with life now. Therefore, I'm a grown woman *smile*
I must say my actual birthday was laid back, very laid back. After a job interview that I had, I just came home and plopped on the couch to catch some zzz's. This year I didn't expect anyone to really call me except for my sis. She sang a sweet soulful happy birthday to me. Mother-in-law called and did the same, now I was surprised. A good friend from church called me too and wished me a happy one. I thought that was sweet. This year I am not calling around reminding people that it's my birthday. Shoot, if I've known you for 3 years now, you either know or you don't. So aside from family, one person called, lol. That's better then none. Oops, baby daddy called and wished me a happy one, and he sent lots of roses to my house. It was really sweet, but I wish he didn't do that.
However my best friend took me out on Saturday for my birthday. We went to the King of Prussia mall in PA. We had a ball. She surprised me with a "make -up session" at Sephora. When we walked in and it looked as if we were in the movies. All the make-up artist moving around, doing faces, music pumping, lip glosses, eye shadows, perfumes, and all the glamour! It was very fast pace environment. My friend wanted me to relax and get professionally made over by one of the artist. It was funny because she wanted one of the men with sweetness in his tank to do my make-up. People, I'm very picky when it comes to my personal things. Honestly, I preferred a woman to do my face and that's what we got. She was GOOD!!! I wanted the smoky eye look/effect and boy did she give me what I wanted. Because it was my birthday, I received a free gift from Sephora and my buddy brought me the smokey eye shadow make-up kit from there as well for me. That was sooo sweet. Made me feel special. She took pictures so I'm waiting for her to send them to me. We were going to eat at the Cheesecake Factory, but it was a 2 hour wait. NOT! So we went to California Kicthen Pizza. I didn't want pizza, so I ordered the Thai curry noodles with chicken. Spicy and full of flavor.
What did I learn this go round? (I'm sighing), I wished I would have learned to enjoy life years ago. People, this life that they say, "LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE NOW" well, you ARE living your best life now. This is it. Stop waiting for something "Big" to happen, just live it up in the place where you are now. Stop waiting for the promotion, car, job, graduation, baby, getting married, losing weight, gaining weight, wedding, shopping spree, etc... You and only you can make your life happy, it's a choice, an everyday choice. I find humor in everything. If not, then I'll be stressed like crazy. Ride the waves of life with enjoyment!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Til We Read Again....

The internet is being shut down over here. I don't know for how long or how soon. In the meantime, I'll be retransitioning (is that a word?!) over there myself. All will be well for me and my children.

Bloggers, stay strong.....stay focus....stay alive, meaning your hopes and dreams. Put God first because He is the only One who will get you through. He has the masterplan for your life....put God first in all you do.

One luv

Saturday, June 30, 2007

My AKA Debutante Cotillion

yankeenaijachick , you inspired me to write this....

Pearls of Loveliness is what our theme was, I think...ummm, Vision of Loveliness, dunno, but I do remember it was something that had "pearls" in it. Ah yes, 1993 was a year to remember. Finding sponsors, escorts, album book, how to be a lady, eat like a lady, dress like a lady, walk and talk like a lady and the overall how to present yourself like a lady was pretty much the AKA's debutante mo. This night is suppose to be the most special night of every debutante. Debutante cotillion is when the young girl becomes a woman, her "coming out" is what they may call it. Well, unfortunately that wasn't the case for me. Everything was fine and beautiful up til the actual night. My sponsor was wonderful! She did everything for me. Dr. O was more then a blessing. She is very close to our family, especially my mom. I was the one who was suppose to do the running around begging for money, heheee, yeah, begging I call it, but she did all the foot and hand work for me. This lady is sharp. She's well known on the Delaware State University campus and local community. It seems as though she was more excited for me then I was for myself.

Any event, the time came where I needed an escort. Mind you I was a junior in high school and was shy as ever when it came to boys. If that wasn't bad enough (being shy), there were hardly any good black guys in our school. I mean barely! Matter of fact, in all my college preps classes, either I or maybe one or two others were black in the class, but for the most part it was just me...lil ole black girl. Ok so, none of the guys in high school added up to the call. Too thugged out, too ghetto, or too much. Wait, now that I think of it, there were probably two guys I had my eye on, but I didn't have enough nerve to ask them.

After one Aka deb meeting, mom and Dr. O were chatting about me and an escort. I vividly remember my mom saying to Dr. O, "oh dear, Angie doesn't have an escort." Dr. O said so coolly to my mom, "ohhh don't worry about that, J will take her." OK, J is her son. We are pretty much the same age, well he's older by two years. Now J is cool. We both went to the same church and we both were always involved in church functions together along with others. Matter of fact, he used to like me when I first went to the church but I didn't like him. He had a cute smile, but a bit too chunky for me, but he lost the weight later on. When that was said, I was pretty cool with the arrangement, no big deal, right?

When we debs were to have our escorts present for the meetings, he was there each time. Learning the crazy dance as if we were back in England (Renaissance period), the greeting, bowing, and being plain graceful was the name of the game. J and I laughed and had a nice time, but we hardly talked. We were just quiet. No real conversation ever went on between us. Gee whiz, I understand that he was forced (basically) to be my escort, but he should have at least shown a little interest.

Anyway, the night came for my coming out. I had my nails done (fake/long), hair, make-up, dress was flowing and I was ready for my big night along with the rest of the girls. The Aka's were complementing me left and right. I felt special and I was looking forward to see my escort. Not to see how he looked, but I wanted him to see me. I knew he would be speechless....ha!

The ball room was GORGEOUS! Pink was everywhere. Pink and white balloons was the main decor, jazz music was playing so smoothly, the lights were dimmed, waiters and waitress were waiting patiently to be at our service, atmosphere was great and mannn, it was just lovely!

Ok, so now it's time for us to meet our escorts, and sit at the assigned tables. As I was watching all the other escorts complent and marvel over their dates, I was looking forward to the "wide eye look" of my escort of me being beautiful for the night. J looked at me, then looked at my nails then looked away. I'm thinking to myself, "WHAT!?" He couldn't even say, "you look nice", that hurt. Instead he said to me, "are those fake nails?" Ok people, this was strange and weird. Da heck?! On top of that he was acting very distant to me. It seemed as though someone got in his head. We had little to no conversation at the table. It was terrible. Sad thing, well, really it was a good thing that his sisters who are twins, kept coming to our table smiling, talking, and taking pictures of us as well as my sisters. Especially my sisters. They saw the cold treatment I was getting from Mr. Nigerian and they kept coming to my rescue as well as his sisters. The whole night he probably said five sentences to me. Then when it was over, guess what.....the brother just up and left, he didn't even let me know that he was leaving. I was looking for him because people were asking me where was J. No peck on the cheek, no hug, no "I had a good time", no "see you around/bye". What was that about?! People you know something, I wasn't' hurt by this. I just thought he was rude. The good thing is that I didn't like him in that way. If I did then I would have been CRUSHED!

It wasn't til years later, 27 years old now I found out who, what, and why that happened. J's Nigerian father told him that I wasn't good enough for him...I wasn't worthy and that J deserve something better. Nigerian daddy also told J not to get any ideas with me because I wasn't good enough for his full blooded Nigerian son. It all made sense. Because I always questioned that night...."what went wrong?" Sure enough that was 3 years ago when I was told who the corporate of that bug in J's head. Dr. O told my mom, then mom told me. It was cool though. However, my question is to his dad, "who are you to determine if I'm worthy?" You don't know who I will be in life. It's funny cuz I told my girlfriend this story, and she dated several Nigerians, well she said out loud, "those dang Nigerians!" I had to laugh, it was funny. Then she proceeded, "that happened to me too, his Nigerian aunt found out that I had two kids and she told me to my face that he deserve better then that, because I wasn't worthy." Honestly, that made me feel a lil better.

What I learned is that you will only know your self worth and value from God. How does God see you? What visions and dreams did God place in you? Is your confidence in God, self, degrees or what people say about you, etc... Only Christ can show you, you. Not the media, naysayers, friends, family or professors.

The thing was his mom loved and still loves me. She always treated me like a daughter. Years later we had the Young Adult Choir Reunion concert (which was last year) and of course Dr. O and all her family was there. I haven't seen her since the AKA cotillion. When she saw me, her eyes lit up and she embraced me tightly, then she looked at me as if she wanted to say something, but then she just hugged me some more. Now this hug was different. It was as if she was trying to say to me, "I'm sorry, and you are worthy of my son, you are beautiful." It was closure. His sisters came and hugged me too and was marveling how good I looked. They are so sweet.

J's wife was there at the concert with their baby girl. He's married now. Anyway, I wanted to exchange words with him, but when the opportunity came, he mumbled out a sad hello to me and quickly walked passed me. We bascially grew up together in the church and we haven't seen each other in 14 yrs and you give me a sad water down hello? It's all good. Because his mom loved on me and his sisters, that was good enough for me.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

African American Festival

Drummers, dancers, soul food, laughter, children running around with goodies in their hands, lots of African vendors for miles, loud music, and more food. Needless to say I had a good time. Man, just watching the people at the festival was amusement for me. Wild crazy hairstyles, tight and loose clothing, and everyone strutting their stuff. Vendors traveled from all over from New Jersey, New York, Maryland, Virginia, and Pennsylvania every year. They had their products from scented oils, clothing, music, sculptures, incense, pictures, and things that would interest any eye. The weather was perfect, not too hot, just warm and some wind. One thing that did bother me was that it's called "African American Festival". Is it just me or does someone else sees it? Why "American?" That's not right. It's supposed to be African Festival and that's it. Dang Delaware. I tell you. I guess they wanted to put the American part in there so we "blacks" wouldn't feel left out or something, dunno. I could go on about that, but let's leave it.

I had on this nice long colorful festive skirt with these knitted earrings that I got from New Jersey that no one has. Of course I had my signature gold bangles up my arm with gold flip flops. Everyone was digging the skirt and asking me where did I get the earrings from. You know it feels good to have the only whatever it is. My hair was like Fantasia's with the flip/mohawk in the front. I try really hard to be orginal with a funky yet classy style.

Ok, so I was there with my mom at first. We walked and walked. You know I had a ball just looking at the products. I don't even really buy anything at the festival, but I love to look and eat! Matter of fact, that's the only reason why my mom wanted to go, to buy some fried fish. The fish was bangin too (bangin Ebonics for delicious/very good). So later I caught up with my girlfriend who had a table out there as well. I sat and chilled with her and her sister. Then I made several more rounds out there. I reunited with so many people I haven't seen in years, decades! It was sort of funny because most of them were skinny back then, but when I seen them, they are now very large...I say this because I used to envy them for being I'm thankful that I'm not their size.

Anyway, this one man was trying to sell me these nice bags with the Gye Nyame symbol on there. I asked him what is that symbol called. He looked at me in a funny way and said in his heavy african accent, "you know what that says." Lol, this man called me out, I wasn't testing or trying to mock him, I honestly forgot how to pronounce it, that's why I asked. So I told him I know how to spell it, but just don't know how to say it (I forgot). So.....he said it for me and I was slowly repeating after him the proper pronouncation. I later asked him where was he from. He rolled his eyes at me, not rudely, but as if he was saying to himself, "ohhh lord, here we go again, the gal wants to know what country I'm from." Lol. Anyway, he said quickly, "Baltimore." I looked at him with my lips twisted, cuz I'm thinking, "brother, you know what I mean." So I said, "ok, ok, B'more that's cool, but what country are you from?" The man didn't want to answer me. So I started guessing....I said, "umm, you not nigerian (Nigerians carry themselves a certain way and he didn't carry himself that way), uhhh, are you ghanaian?" He said, "heck noo," I started laughing. Then I proceeded the game...."uhhh, uhh, umm, duhhh," he finally said, "Kenya". I'm thinking "ohhhhh, ok." I know my fellow africans get tired of people like me asking 50 million question especially the famous "where are you from?" question. It's all in love, and a good conversation piece as well people. Ok so this man starts telling me, he needs to work and bring in this money so he can afford me. I was laughing. He said (in his african accent), "seriously, you want to drive Mercedes, wear nice fancy clothes...I want to afford you and you are worth a lot...." Then he goes on to say, "you are worth like 45 cattle" WHAT!?!? I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Is he for real? I know I joke a lot, but he got me on that one. He said it with a straight face too, and calculating out loud of my worth saying, "not many men or it would take a lot to......he was mummbling. Honestly, I felt a lil insulted. 45 cattle, that's it?! Not even 50? Really I'm thinking at least 250, I have a degree, lol!!! I don't know how much 1 cattle is worth, whatever though. We had a nice mini conversation. He was just flirting with his short pot belly self....bless his heart.

The only bad thing was that there were not one, not two, nor three, but 4 fights that broke out. It was terrible and embarrassing. Why can't we just all get along? They were kids too...little high school kids acting grown. Cops had to come out and arrest them. It was stupid.

But needless to say, that didn't stop the show, but I was ready to leave. I hate fights. I get this nasty weird feeling in my stomach when the are about to breakout. It ruins the mood.

You know, life is short. Enjoy the little things. Don't wait for something BIG to happen, just live and don't take the little things for granted. You can breath, walk and eat on your own. Let's thank God for that. We don't need a tube in our neck, or a machine to keep us alive. Stop complaining over the big and little things and let's be appreciative for everything. So what if you can't take that vacation...set up the backyard, or go to the beach. Smile! It's all good.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Warnings Signs

There were plenty of warnings signs that I should have taken notice when I was dating my potential husband. However, because of fear,naiveness, backslidden, desperate, and low self esteem, I couldn't get myself to acknowledge it and take the right actions (which was to leave his butt). Next thing you know, I was in too deep and I mean in too deep.

First of all, and most importantly as I mentioned above, I was (at the time) back slided from my relationship with God. It says in the bible to acknowledge God in all your ways and He will direct your paths....right? Well, I didn't. I didn't even ask or include God in this. I made my own judgements and decisions, big mistake. Just saying that right there, I messed up. Ok, now to the heart of the matter. First of all, he hung out with the wrong crowd. Need I say more! The people you keep around you, are a reflection of you. Let me insert this (commerical break), that 's why when or if I go on My Space and I see someone that may intrigue me, I ALWAYS check out their "friends list" to see what they are REALLY about or what they are into. Same with the locals. Get me. His friends/cousins were and some still are drug dealers. Stupid me, that was the biggest red flag ever. Just being in the drug dealer's world so much comes in that territory. The police for one, lots of house raids, fights, shooting, drugs (lol), alcohol (lots of it), strip clubs, std's, etc...why did I continue...we'll he said he loved me and I was different, blah, blah, blah. He said he didn't really want to sell drugs, but because they provided a roof over his head his cousins pretty much made him make "runs" for them. That was my boyfriend's way of paying for his stay, cuz he too was in college and broke. Another red flag was when he was thinking about becoming muslim or 5 percent....ok, this brother was lost and don't know what direction to take. Don't get me wrong, we all have our moments where we are finding ourselves....but muslim....nahhh, right there we would be unequally yoked and we would always be bumping heads on religious matters. Our belief value and customs were flag again.

Smoking weed and drinking was another red flag that I avoided. Speaking in a spiritual sense, did you know that when you open the door to sins like that, there are many demonic influences that come with it. It's almost like a snowball effect. Then later, I discovered the flag again. He would even watch it while we were being intimate. Honestly, I felt disrespected when he did that...but I never spoke up about it. Since I mentioned that, let me say this. After he found out I was a virgin, I told him that I wasn't trying to do anything until I was married. He said ok, he'll wait. Several days later when I went to his place, he tried to get into my pants....another red flag, because he betrayed me, he lied, and disrespected me. Stupid me again went along with it because I was lonely, wanted to be wanted, and didn't know myself worth and value. Truth be told, that's when I should have left, but I felt sorry for him because of his history/childhood, and I wanted to be the "super" woman that change him from bad boy to good guy. Another red flag, he lied, not a lot, but enough, over stupid things he didn't have to lie about, or better yet didn't tell me the whole truth about a certain matter.

The crowd he hung with really played a part, but then again, that's what he was about but with me he was a sweet innocent country brother that wanted to get ahead in life. He would share his dream with me, how he would want to settle down, how he wanted to get out of the drug business, and me being included in his world, blah, blah, blah.... my naive self thought that was soooo sweet. One last thing. The brother wasn't focus. He didn't know what he wanted out of life. The funny thing is that I KNEW he wasn't the one for me. You know when you know better, but you do it anyway. Yeah, I knew....I knew, but I still continue because I was in love with him. Oh yeah, he was arrested and went to jail now that's when I really should have left. That would have been perfect, right when he was locked up, but I didn't.

Ohhhhh nooooo, I'm pregnant, now what! Ok so now I'm in too deep. I told him and we didn't know what to do. All those years of me typing reports in high school on abortions being wrong, and now I am actually thinking about it. I was scared. Mind you, I come from a strict christian family home. If I tell my parents this, ohhhhhh lawdddddyyyy!!! Get me. Fast forward, told mom and mom told dad. My parents gave me an ultimatum. It was either get married or get married right now. I cried, because he wasn't' the one....this isn't the man God destined for me, but my parents weren't trying to hear that. Their thing was, "better to marry then burn". They didn't have a clue of what he was doing/did. So needless to say, we got married. Years later even in the marriage there were still lots of red flags, and many cases of infidelity, disrespect, verbal, emotional, and some physical abuse but I felt trapped. What could I do? Who could I tell? Where do I go? But you know, God saw it all and intervene. When God says enough is enough, then enough is enough. You know when you are fed up. I literally left everything behind me, even the house which has mucho equity. I was fed up. But you know...I have unspeakable peace, and joy in my heart. I don't worry or stress anymore over him. I'm happy again. Not saying everything is perfect because my children and I are living in one room and it's over crowded, I'm a little low on funds but hey, I'm at peace and happy. That is worth more to me.
I got my answer from God and God alone. Not friends, family, naysayers, t.v., pastor or preacher. I did some serious praying to God for years. Sure enough God did give me my answer AND He confirmed it many, many, many times. I see why the Lord confirmed it many times as He did, so I wouldn't waiver, doubt, or regret....asking myself did I do the right thing. Sure enough I had peace when to leave my husband. I even had help to haul all my belongs and children belongs. When God is in a thing, you have such peace you cannot describe. Trust me, I was scared to leave but you know, I couldn't take anymore abuse...I dealt with a lot over our 10 year marriage. Now I can start my life over and yes, God gave me a second chance. I am so happy, I can't explain it. For this season, I am being healed from all the abuse. God is doing a work in me....He's healing my heart, restoring me mentally, spiritually, and physically. God is building up my self esteem again, showing me my self worth and value, security, and the list goes on. It's like I'm living again and rediscoving myself. It's like rebirth of Angela.
Life is too short to have your head down crying. I'm not crying anymore. I'm laughing with joy. I have God to give all the glory and praise because it was His grace that kept me from killing myself, His grace that helped me to to stand, and His grace to keep my sanity. My breakthrough is here and I am free from it all.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Wedding Website Junkie

Yes, that is I. I have an addiction. I've been an addict for several years now and just can't kick this habit of mines. I would stay up late at night and surf for wedding websites. Crazy, huh? It's really serious. I have gotten to the point where I feel like I have to hide or sneak it. Keep in mind my children and I are living back with my parents, and mom's pc is in one of the t.v. rooms where everyone lounges. They can also see whatever you are doing on the pc. Well every time I'm on the net, my peoples are forever asking me, "who are they?, do you know them, what's that?" It used to not bother me, but every now and then I could get a little annoyed from it. Now it seems like every time I get on the pc one of my family members would be like, "I know what Angie is doing, or are you looking at more African weddings?" Yes, yes, I am, now let me be people. Or my mom would linger around the room to see what I'm reading/looking at and then add her 2 cents. I like reading other people stories and I like seeing them happy. I feel like I'm a part of the family, you know, distant cousin, yeah, that's right, distant cousin. Bloggers, the thing is I LOVE reading their "how we met" and "proposal" stories. Of course the wedding pictures ties it all in. You can tell the ones that were God ordained. Weddings are a beautiful once in a life time event. Out of all the billions of people on earth, God only picked two, to be together in holy matrimony. That's awesome. Let's not take our God sent for granted. If you have, start by letting them know how much you love them and appreciate them.
Three more things. Question: What's "Najia, bloke, sha, and wahala?" I want to assume that najia means Nigerian, I guess, and sha means like dunno, forget it. Don't laugh. Ok, well holla at your girl.
Here are some of the many sites that I have visited.
Please enjoy.
Where are my fellow Ghanaian wedding websites? Nigerians got this thing on lock!
If you got any wedding websites hook a sista up!

Thursday, May 31, 2007


Let's see if I can update since the last blog entry.

My oldest daughter's birthday was May 30th, but we celebrated it on the 29th. We had it at the skating rink. That was an excellent idea! All I had to do was provide the decor for the table and of course cake and ice cream. Oh yeah, she turned the double digits, 10. It turned out really nice. I was worried that no one would show up, then I was worrying that too many people would show up. LOL, after I sent the invitations out to 18 of her soccer team members, I totally forgot to invite our family and very close friends. What was I thinking!!!! We were only allowed to have 24 guest, but we contracted for 16, and whoever extra we would have to pay. I accidentally left out her 2 siblings (what foolishness), her 2 cousins, plus my best friend children (she has 6), plus my older sister's 3 little ones, and my best friend's cousin little daughter, someone from the church, her 3 girls and lastly a girl that lives on the corner of our circles that plays with my daughter. Oh man...I was sweating bullets and praying to God that it will work out. The Lord put peace in my heart about the "overflow" of guest, but I was still worrying a little. Needless to say it all worked out. Yes we went over, 20 guest all together. It was all good. It was fun watching my daughter laughing and skating with her friends. Did I skate? Ha, you betcha! I haven't skated in years, but I sure did that night. Let's just say I didn't fall, but my poor baby daddy fell several times. It was funny.

Ok, now at the party there was a mom there asking me why were the phone numbers different from the soccer roster #. Most bloggers should know that my husband and I are separated. So I let the lady know that my hubby and I were separated due to things that happened. As I was telling her, tell me why her eyes whelped up with fake tears (I can tell if it's fake or not). What the heck was that about?! As I was trying to explain in a simple way without putting my business out there, I was thinking to myself, "honey, you just don know the half, the abuse I had to go through was ugly....." So when I told her whatever, she looked at me with the fake tears and said the statement that I'm so tired of hearing, "But the children." I'm thinking to myself, "lady, you are right, my children didn't need to see that, my children don't need to live in an unhealthy environment, my children need not to hear my husband and I fight like dogs, my children don't need to see mommy crying every night, my children don't need to hear the verbal and emotional abuse from their father, my children shouldn't be asking me every other day, "mommy why are you sad?", or "mommy don't cry". But you know, I didn't say that to her, I just looked at her and said nicely, "you know, the children are fine." People! Someone like that hasn't' been through anything, you know? Come on, if she walked 6 months in my shoes, she would have had a different view.

Any event, I'm free for this weekend. Children free. Baby daddy will be having them for the weekend. YEAHHHHH!!!! I love these breaks. So needful. So what do I do on these kid free weekends? LOL, well, let's just say, MOMS GONE WILD! My sister and I came up with that title, of course you know it's from GIRLS GONE WILD, but we changed ours up. When her and mine baby daddy comes to pick up the kids and they drive off, we yell out, "MOMS GONE WILD!" and start screaming and running around the house. After we calm down, we ask each other what are we going to do. She'll say, let's do something big....let's go to Wal-Mart. Then I'll say, "nahhh, let's do it over the top this weekend, let's go to SUPER Wal-Mart. For the most part, we catch up on laundry, go to stores in peace, eat out, and watch adult movies (no, no, not that, movies that have cursing, you know rated R). When you have little ones including my 10 year old and 6, you have to be extra careful what they see on TV. You can't enjoy a good grown-up movie with kids running all around you hollering, spilling juice, or asking you 50 million questions that they already know the answer too. Don't let them get a glimpse of the movie, oh dear, here comes the questions, "mommy, what is he doing?, mommy, why did he hit her?, mommy, is he dead?, but why mommy?, mommy, why are they chasing him? mommy, why did he rip her shirt off?, mommy, he said a bad word, mommy, what are they trying to do?" Yeah, after a while you just turn off the movie and turn to Noggin, Nick Jr. or some kid friendly show.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Beyond Exhausted!

This is ridiculous! I'm beat, tired, pooped, feet swollen, and I need a break. Exams went well. TGBTG (to God be the glory) I passed the law and math part of the real estate exam. Now I have to take the sales course and I'll be done. Personal life is good. Happy Belated Mother's Day to all the mommy's, love yall much. I'll be posting again soon. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still alive and kicking well. My girlfriend and I went to the Embassy of Nigeria to take care some business in DC. Tell me why....why, did our embassy of the motherland look not so great. Stuff like that bothers me. We should have been representing like no other. We should have out shined the rest, you know. Instead it looked like an abandon old orphanage building. Sup wit dat?!!! That was my second time going there and I have a feeling it won't be my last. This sister is filled with visions and dreams. Ghana and Nigeria are on my list.
Any event I'll be continuing later with my world.
One luv to all

Friday, April 20, 2007

Study, Study, and Study Some More!

Yup, that's what I've been doing. Well trying to do. I have major real estate exams coming up and I need to be prepared. This is it! It's the big one, not really, but it is to me. I'll be taking the law and math exam. That math was really simple but how the professor was teaching it was really complicated. He would skips steps and throw in numbers from no where. I thought it was no hope for me, until he gave us the last 3 exams he gave his former students, YIPPEEEE!!! So now I know what exactly to study for and it's so funny because all the exams have the same question format, but different numbers. Ok, now the law part is totally different. That is either do or die. All those chapters I must read, man!
Baby daddy have the kids this weekend which is perfect. The last thing I need to be doing while trying to prepare for these testing is stopping every 10-15mins to solve a problem, cook, or do motherly duties. I totally thank God for that. When the exams are done my mind will be free. Really, when I know that I passed, that's when I will shout!
People be free, love life, and be strong. I'll blog again when the testing is done, however I wanted to drop a few lines and let the yall know, ya girl is doing great!
Have a great weekend. Enjoy!

Saturday, April 7, 2007

The Verdict!

Well, well, well....drum roll, please! Ah yes, I have been waiting for this moment just to say that I didn't fully reach the goal set, BUT I was very close. I was one size off. Now that I think about it, I was pretty much being unrealistic, oh well. I went from a size 20 to a 16 in 4 weeks, not bad I think. I'm closer to a size 14 then I ever was. I still treated myself of course. All hard work and no play, oh please! This sister will play with gladness. Everything is lovely over here. I've just been rejuvenating myself still. Oh yeah, I did cut my hair. It is really nice. It's very low cut, tapered, and probably like 2 1/2 inches on top. I love it! Yes I will post a pic whenever my sis (the photographer) take several pics of moi. So here's to new beginnings (again). I have turned off my cell phone because I needed that quiet time for myself. I was able to clean up, pamper myself, watch a movie in peace (kids are with dad for the weekend), listen to my music, and read a book in peace, yippee! I'm loving it. However I do miss my kids, I wish I had them for the Easter weekend, but it's all good. My baby daddy's family is coming up from South Carolina for the Easter Holiday. I won't be seeing them, however I will be seeing his mom. Matter of fact, I'm about to go over there and do the girls hair. I brought them pretty hair bows for Easter tomorrow. I'll probably do a simple style like cornrows in the front and roded in the back or something. Really don't have much this time round on the Blog News of Lady A's World. I believe it's a first, lol.

Let us all be thankful for what God has done and doing in our life. He sent His only son, Jesus, and He paved the way for us. There is no excuse. Acknowledge the Lord your God in all your ways and He will direct your path, so why should we worry? You don't see the birds in the air stressing, or the fish in the sea starving, so what more would God do for us and We are His children. As we celebrate Easter tomorrow, let it also be a new resurrected mind set in Christ. Anything thoughts that are dead and weighing us down with worries, stress, pain, agony, etc...then it needs to cut off. Think and speak positive. Speak words of life. I can't help but think of the time when my sister fell up (yes, up, not down) the stairs. Instead of her fussing, or a curse word, she yelled out, "PRAISE HIM!" We laughed, but it ministered to me in such a way that it stuck with me. In the midst of her hurt and pain, when she was down on the stairs, she still continue to praise God in the middle of the downfall (literally *smile*). Instead of complaining or whining she gave a sacrificial praise, and it was a sacrifice too. Hey, God loves and so do I! You are special and He cares for you.

Happy Easter!

Friday, March 23, 2007

Don't Eat That! / I found My Friend

This has nothing to do with binging. "Don't eat that," is what my mother would say when we would visit other people's home whether it's friends, family or even church members. As a child I could never understand that. You see my mom is from the south. South Carolina that is and back then people did some crazy things (I know it still happens now). Like if they didn't like you and were jealous and they participate in other "powers" possibility they could put something in the food or drink. It was very common is the south too. One moment someone would be fine and next thing you know they are not in their right mind. People would say, "see that person, they used to be top of their class, or prom queen, or handsome guy who had all the girls, etc..." Next thing you know you'll see them walking in the streets dressed in clothes that only clowns wear, talking to themselves, and acting silly. You see it all the time down south. My first college year there was this guy called "Pookie". The story behind him was that someone was jealous of him so they slipped something in his drink at the club and ever since them he hasn't been right. It's sad, but that's what happen. However, Pookie made us laugh. You would see him wandering the streets from sun up to sun down. Pookie would come up on the campus several times a week and just wander around talking to himself. It seemed like he was always in a hurry. This brother would wear shorts when it was freezing cold and 3 coats when it was 90-100 degree hot weather. I remember the days when I would just stare at him and ask God why did this happen? There were so many cases of that type stuff. Even a pastor told us a story that happened in Alabama of how the mother in-law to be didn't like the girl her son was about to marry. The mother fixed the girl some food and she ate it and this beautiful girl lost her mind and was sick. They called the pastor and to God be the Glory with prayer, the blood of Jesus and the power of the anointing of God, that curse broke off of her and she is well today. Any event that's why my mom didn't play those games. So my mom was VERY strict with this whole no eating thing when we went to certain people houses. I thought mommy was being cruel, especially when we couldn't eat food from the church. I thought that was a big much but mom knew best. This one funny incident, lol, happen when we were living in North Carolina. The church had a function and they wanted my mom to bring the punch. My mother was happy to do so. So she slaved in the kitchen making her famous punch. Cutting up all the fruits and squeezing the juice and pulp out of them, adding sugar, water and her love. As she was doing this she was lecturing us saying over and over, "now girls only drink this punch, don't drink any other punch that is there, only drink this one that I made." Boy, she sounded like a broken record record but my sisters and I knew the routine. My sisters and I tasted the punch and agreed that was the best tasting punch ever! So we went to the church and mom was proud of her delicious homemade punch. The lady at the door greeted us and was admiring mom's punch (mom had orange slices floating on the punch). The second lady near the punch table eyes got wide and said, "yes, we need more punch!" Mom continued to smile as she passed the bowl of homemade punch over to the lady and as she was doing so, mom leaned over and gave us the "eye" saying, "now remember girls only drink this punch." Once the punch was in the lady's hand she dumped my mom's punch into someone else punch (to fill it up more I guess). Mom's face was RED! LOL. I'll never forget that day. Mom just walked away hurt, and we walked away thirsty. Now that I look back I see why mom was strict. She saw what we didn't see. I'm not that strict with my kids, but I need to not be so lenient in this area. Children will naturally want something that they see and I have to tell them, you don't eat everywhere you go. You don't know if they are dirty, clean, or nasty. You just don't know. However I have to depend on the Holy Spirit. If I don't feel right in my heart about it, then it's "no". If I have peace about it, then I'll eat and/or my children. It's not always that they may have put "something" in the food/drink. There were times I did ask God why couldn't I eat at my friends' and the Lord will later show me why. Sure enough my friend will call and say, "ohh dear, guess what?! My sister's son had (I forgot the skin disease it was but it's very contagious) and now TT and Fola got it and I think I got it too!" I'm thinking yeck! Thank you Lord! However check this out. My friend from Ghana was teaching me several customs and culture that they have/do. One of them was that if you (please correct me if I quote this wrong, but it was years ago) go over someones house and they offer you a drink of water, you must take it. Honestly I felt a little offended when he told me this (I was in college and young minded). I'm thinking, well, I wasn't raised that way, plus what if I'm not thirsty. He told me it would be rude if I didn't take it, but I'm thinking it's rude when I say yes, but don't drink it, now you wasted their water/juice. Then my friend from Ghana, ok, ok, let's call him J, his friend even said (he's from Ghana too) the same thing. I just sat quietly because I didn't know what to say and I didn't want to seem to be the rude black girl with attitude. I just looked at J and said, "ok", but truth be told, I have to pray about that. I know, I know, but that is how I was raised BUT I must say, if its a closed container ie soda can, water bottle, then it's okay to drink. For the most part I eat and drink from friends, family, etc...but if I don't feel right, I won't.


J and I were mad cool with each other. He was the one that taught me a lot about Ghana. He was also the one that was a true friend to me when my hubby was dippin out on me and I was pregnant too at the time. So J and I have a very good bond. He even told me that he wanted me to learn his language. I thought he was crazy. I'm thinking I would have to spend a lot of time with him which was unrealistic because I was married at the time. Guess what, years passed and I found someone to teach me the language. Then I found out that there are over 5 tribes in Ghana, lol!!! How on earth will I know what tribe my friend is from?! I lie not, I prayed for the Lord to show me. I found this one dude who spoke Twi and from the Ashanti tribe, but he was a trip and always wanted to talk about other stuff. So I got rid of him. Then I prayed again and asked the Lord to send the right person, and sure enough I found someone who is like a brother to me. He is Fiifi, my dear friend. We laugh like crazy over a lot of things and he's a fanti. The best teacher I have had in years, you hear. He's so patience with my non speaking fanti behind. But I learned more then what I thought I could. Any event, guess what, years later I was looking for my friend J from college, the Ghana guy. I wanted to know his whereabouts, etc... Thank God for Internet, long story short I found this girl I remember who was in his click (crowd). Nana! Ahhh, yess, I remember her. So I looked up her info on and sure enough her number, add, etc.. was on there. Before I go on, there is a site and you can find a lot of old friends/family, plus it's free, but only searches in the states. I called her all nervous because my intentions were to get J's number. She answered and I introduce myself and she remembered me, (yeahhh!!, I'm thinking). We played "ketchup" and she did ask me if I spoke to J. I told her I was looking for him and she said that her brother has his number. Whoaaaa, I have butterflies in my stomach now. So she gives it to me and after we hung up I called him and left a message. I don't think I ever sounded so nervous, lol. My voice is already a lil deep for a girl, but my voice was also cracking too, lol. I was embarrassed but I continued the message. Days later he called me. Wow! It was so cool. Long story short, I did ask him what tribe he is from and guess what, this guy is a pure fanti, my Lord, what a coincidence. So I said to him in fanti, "me fe wo paaaaa" And he was FLOORED! He couldn't believe it. I told him I missed him a lot. His friendship that's what I missed. Little did he know, he saved a life.

Life is just funny. Becareful what you suggest people to do, they just may do it. Who would have ever guess after all this time I would learn to speak some fanti. I honestly believe it was a karos moment, it was meant to be because I know I have somethings to do over there in Ghana in it's time. Wow, the power of suggestion.

Saturday, March 17, 2007


Why? Why do I do it. I hate it after I do it, but love it when I'm doing it. It feels so good while I'm stuffing my face, but the aftermath is a terrible regretting feeling. When I'm finish eating the last of whatever and give out a loud nasty burp and belch, I ask myself several times, "why did I do that?" While I'm eating that 5th slice of pizza, I say to myself, "I deserve this, I work hard, I don't have far to go (with the weight lost), but the truth is, I don't deserve this (I haven't even lost 10lbs yet), I worked hard on trying to figure out what to eat first on my binging day, and yes I do have a long way to go with the weight lost. Again, why?
Remember I'm giving myself 4 weeks to get the body right. I didn't tell you all, but the next day I ate everything in site. Cinnamon rolls, pizza, chips, powder doughnuts, cookies, key lime pie, ice cream and I'm sure I had something else too. Now this wasn't all in one day, it was over 2 days, but still. Check me out, when I'm full to the max, I may still chop on something. Truth be told when I try to eat something else when I'm already stuffed to capacity, I really can not taste or enjoy that food. But yet I'll still eat it. I got issues! So basically I'm consuming unnecessary calories that I would have to do several workouts til it's burned off. It could be days! So as I'm typing, my belly is full, again. Full of junk, but this time I did go to the gym this morning and kicked butt (in my own special way). I walked for 35 mins on the treadmill (3.4 speed), then I hit the elliptical for a good 15 mins. I almost passed out on that machine. Sweat dripping all in my eye. Now my eye is burning from the salty sweat, nose running so I'm snorting because I don't have a tissue and refuse to stop to get one (if I did, it's a wrap on that elliptical, it's over!), sweaty hands keep sliding off the handle bars, and the machine keeps saying that it will resume to workout once I speed up! Man! It was burning, but needful.
I must say, I've gotten better. With what? The time, usually I would get off in 5 mins and call it an extreme and intense workout. Ha!
So this upcoming week I have to kick butt! Do or die people, do or die! I will do more this week then I did last. I will hit my goal in no time! I will eat only the health foods and treat myself to one, yes, ONE sweet per week.
One thing my mother taught me was that if you have a craving (talking about food), then you need to eat whatever it may be. That prevents from you eating everything and still not being satisfied. So if that means you have to drive 15-20mins to go get that jerk chicken, fufu w/ light soup, mac n cheese, butter almond ice cream etc... then do it.
Please keep me in your prayers. I have to go now, my triple fudge brownie with 3 scoops of vanilla ice cream with extra nuts is melting *wink*.
For the record, I'm's only 2 scoops of vanilla ice cream.....and's double fudge brownie, not triple. Heyyyyy, people, did I not cut back?!

Friday, March 9, 2007

What's Next?

This whole new chapter in my life is wonderful. I don't even know where to begin. I guess my only question is, "God, what took so long?" I didn't shed a tear over this whole separation. My only question is "what's next Lord?" I can't even explain how I feel. It's like I'm living again, breathing, smiling, laughing louder. It's like rebirth into newness (if that make any sense). It's weird, but I'm loving it. I have such peace that I cannot explain. People around me even notice a difference. They'll say things like "you look happy, you're glowing, or you look different." It's all good.

Real Estate Law class started up a couple of days ago. I like that class much better then the math. Honestly I thought the law class would be boring, but it's really interesting. I just want to learn what I need to learn so I can pass the real estate exam and get my license. Still substituting and enjoying it. I'm also looking for a place for my children and I. I have a preference of renting a house or townhouse. No apartments, I mean I wouldn't mind, but right now I need all the peace and privacy I can get. I'm sure something will work out.

Spring, already? I'm not ready. I was suppose to be in shape, before spring, lol. Doesn't matter now, even though it's practically spring, we still have several weeks of coolness in the air. My sister has been working my butt off with this dang on Billy Blanks Boot camp. Loving it, truly loving it. She also order this Extreme Billy Blanks workout tape, I told her that we'll do that Monday. No need to kill ourselves this weekend. So I guess I'm giving myself 4 weeks of hard core exercising and eating right. We'll see what the verdict is after 4 weeks.

4 Week Mark: April 6th

The Stats: Currently size 20 (somewhat fitting, somewhat I said)

Goal: size 14

Reward: Pedicure, Manicure, Hair cut, and access to wear certain jewelry and perfume.

Yes, I'm one of those people who don't wear or use something until I have accomplished a certain task or goal. Lol, I have these bangin pair of Bebe sandals that I haven't really worn yet, but this summer I'm rockin them. I've had them for almost 3 years now. Funny because people would come up to me and ask, "where did you get that/these/those?" And I'll tell them where, however I'll let them know that I brought it months or years ago. Then they give me the sad face.

I'm really looking forward to the hair cut. It's going to be like Malinda Williams but shorter.

This hair cut will be a symbol of my new beginnings, the cutting of the past, and embracing the new mark of my future. I've had my hair this short once before and I loved it! Some people were saying that I looked like Nia Long, however I beg the differ. It was the hair cut and complexion although I'm a little darker then she is. No problem, I'll post a picture of the doo when it gets done.

So again I ask myself and God, what's next? I guess we'll just have to sit back and see, huh? However I know that doors of opportunity will be open, blessings that I know not of and provisions coming from the north, south, east, and west. So I'll just sit tight, keep my focus on God, and trust Him through it all. Not trusting the system, man/woman, or society, but totally relying on God for He knows what's best for you and your situation.