Saturday, March 17, 2007


Why? Why do I do it. I hate it after I do it, but love it when I'm doing it. It feels so good while I'm stuffing my face, but the aftermath is a terrible regretting feeling. When I'm finish eating the last of whatever and give out a loud nasty burp and belch, I ask myself several times, "why did I do that?" While I'm eating that 5th slice of pizza, I say to myself, "I deserve this, I work hard, I don't have far to go (with the weight lost), but the truth is, I don't deserve this (I haven't even lost 10lbs yet), I worked hard on trying to figure out what to eat first on my binging day, and yes I do have a long way to go with the weight lost. Again, why?
Remember I'm giving myself 4 weeks to get the body right. I didn't tell you all, but the next day I ate everything in site. Cinnamon rolls, pizza, chips, powder doughnuts, cookies, key lime pie, ice cream and I'm sure I had something else too. Now this wasn't all in one day, it was over 2 days, but still. Check me out, when I'm full to the max, I may still chop on something. Truth be told when I try to eat something else when I'm already stuffed to capacity, I really can not taste or enjoy that food. But yet I'll still eat it. I got issues! So basically I'm consuming unnecessary calories that I would have to do several workouts til it's burned off. It could be days! So as I'm typing, my belly is full, again. Full of junk, but this time I did go to the gym this morning and kicked butt (in my own special way). I walked for 35 mins on the treadmill (3.4 speed), then I hit the elliptical for a good 15 mins. I almost passed out on that machine. Sweat dripping all in my eye. Now my eye is burning from the salty sweat, nose running so I'm snorting because I don't have a tissue and refuse to stop to get one (if I did, it's a wrap on that elliptical, it's over!), sweaty hands keep sliding off the handle bars, and the machine keeps saying that it will resume to workout once I speed up! Man! It was burning, but needful.
I must say, I've gotten better. With what? The time, usually I would get off in 5 mins and call it an extreme and intense workout. Ha!
So this upcoming week I have to kick butt! Do or die people, do or die! I will do more this week then I did last. I will hit my goal in no time! I will eat only the health foods and treat myself to one, yes, ONE sweet per week.
One thing my mother taught me was that if you have a craving (talking about food), then you need to eat whatever it may be. That prevents from you eating everything and still not being satisfied. So if that means you have to drive 15-20mins to go get that jerk chicken, fufu w/ light soup, mac n cheese, butter almond ice cream etc... then do it.
Please keep me in your prayers. I have to go now, my triple fudge brownie with 3 scoops of vanilla ice cream with extra nuts is melting *wink*.
For the record, I'm's only 2 scoops of vanilla ice cream.....and's double fudge brownie, not triple. Heyyyyy, people, did I not cut back?!