New Blog, Single or Married

Sup bloggers! I assume all is well with everything. If not then continue to believe and trust God that He will bring it to past on whatever your heart is desiring. Just know that God will do it in his timing.

Anyway, guess what....seriously, take a wild guess.....nope, not it, keep guessing....nahhh, I'm not pregnant....but close....anyway, I started a new blog! Yeah, it got birthed yesterday. I have been wanting to start another blog on marriages and being single for over a year now, and I finally started it. This blog will hopefully be a blessing to everyone. I'm still in the process of tweaking it so bare with me. However, I encourage you to check it out. Whether you are single or married, it's for you.

Check it out! http://relationshiptherightway.blogspot.com/

Tag...Your It!!!

Aloted tagged me!

Just great, lol.

The rules are:

1. Link the person who tagged you to this post

2. Mention the rules in your blog

3. Tell 6 unspectacular quirks of yours

4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them

5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged This meme is about any particular mannerism you have, ok?

Warning.....it's nothing saucy, so please, don't get excited, lol.

1. I love to bust a pimple, mines or yours, I'll bust it! Especially the big juicy ones that make that "pop" sound.

2. I'll pick my nose still....chew my buger and spit it out....I like the saltiness of it, LOL, ewwwww, I'm nasty!!!!!!!! Hahahahaaaa.

3. I wear contacts and if I run out of solution for them, I'll put the contacts in my mouth and clean it that way. Nasty!

4. When my children were babies, I would smell their butts when I'm changing their pamper. Don't ask....wait til you have kids.

5. I stick my hands in my pants when my hands are cold. Sometimes I accidentally do it in public and people look at me crazy and when they do, of course I move my hand. It's funny cuz I do it at home ALL the time and my daughter ask me, "mommy, why are your hands in your pants."

6. I have No idea why I do this......this is the final QUIRK.....ready. When I'm home or come home for work or just home for the day...I take my pants off. If a neighbor comes to the door, I will have a blanket wrapped around my waist. But believe me, those pants are off!!! Why I do this...I have no clue...I guess comfort. One time my daughter (same one) begged me not to take them off....I thought that was funny.

Well bloggers, I kept it clean. I really wanted to share some other info, but it would have been TMI.....Too Much Information....I wanted to say something about the pubic hair....but not this time.

Hope you enjoyed this...I tag solomonsydelle, believer, yankeenaijachick, ajike, chioma, jaycee.

10 Things That Prevent You From Hearing The Voice Of God

Sup peeps! I know I would normally have my encouraging blogs on my inspirational blog page, but I really wanted everyone to read this, so therefore as you can see it's on my main blog. I really feel this is important and after I read this, I knew it was for me....and I hope you get a lot out of it as I did. If we Christians could get this down packed we would have it going on!!! So I pray that each individual that reads this will be able to better manage their life and genuine walk with God, and may God bless them and prosper them in every way. In Jesus name we pray. Amen!

1. Lack of study—When you fail to study the
Word of God, you will hear all different types of
things except for the voice of God. You become
more prone to making impulsive decisions
because you are not sensitive to the will of God.
2. Lack of prayer—You must fellowship with
God in prayer in order to hear what He has to
say. People who do not have a prayer life are
constantly taking on new projects without
finishing the old ones first. This is because they
are playing a guessing game with God instead
of actually hearing what He has to say.
3. Low self-esteem—People with low self
esteem often do not expect God to speak to
them. So even when He does say something,
they shun it as their own imagination. There
must be an expectancy on your part in order to
realize the will of God as an active force in your
life.
4. Lending your ear to too many ungodly
sources—This will cause you to hear nothing
except a lot of bad advice.
5. Always telling God how to answer your
prayers—While it is a good idea to put specific
requests before the Lord, it is not always a good
idea to tell God how to answer. Often, when
you don’t get the answer that you were
HEARING THE VOICE OF GOD 4
expecting, you say that it wasn’t God speaking,
when actually it was.
6. Being too busy to listen.
7. Complaining when you should be
listening.
8. Reacting when you should be seeking.
9. Giving up too soon.
10. Being too stubborn to do things God’s
way.
To hear the voice of God, you must be willing
to…
1. Listen to what God has to say, even
when it is not what you would like to
hear.
2. Fellowship with Him and build a
relationship.
3. Study the Word of God so that when a
contrary voice tempts you to do
something that does not line up with
scripture, you will immediately
recognize it.
4. Pray for discernment.
5. Build your faith. You build your faith by
acting upon God’s instructions. Faith
without works is dead. (James 2:26)
6. Shield yourself from those with negative
ways of thinking.

How to Discern When Individuals Are
Operating Contrary to the Will of God:
1. They become evil in the pursuit of their
purpose.
2. They tear down more relationships than what
they build.

The Lady Reveals Herself

Sup all my bloggers. I hope everyone has been holding it down in whatever it is. I've been back to work and have been busier then ever. My boss is making sure that I take things very easy which is a blessing. Paperwork and answering phones is what I do (so far). Any event, I decided after being on this blog thing for over a year, I should reveal the person that has a lot to say behind the computer. I am and usually particular having pics on here (Blog), but you know....I have pics on Hi-5, Blackplanet (lol, remember that), and also on my college website. Ohhh, soooo, why not on Blog. Now you don't have to guess how I look, *wink*

This year I will finally be going to my college homecoming in South Carolina. It has been 8yrs since graduation and I still haven't gone. Baby daddy want to come with me, and at first I didn't want him too, but then I got the thinking...."hmmm, I don't wont to take that long 8 hour drive all by myself." Plus I can't have caffeine like that because of the medications I'm on. I don't want to take a detour to the hospital, lol....not cool. So, baby daddy it is, as far as him coming with me.

Children are doing great. School is almost out so I look forward for the break. Matter of fact, all summer I will be recruiting for my job. We have 35 slots open for 3-5 year olds and I'm praying we will be fully enrolled for the first day of school.

You know, I'm thinking about a career change. Teaching is what I'm thinking. Why? Cuz, I'll be off on summers and still get paid, off for the Christmas break, Easter, and all the other holidays, plus they get a raise every year. Guys, I want to enjoy my children. I don't want to be that parent that is always at work trying to make a dollar. Plus, I need breaks and being in the teaching profession, I will surely get that.

Life is short. Don't put it off for tomorrow when you can do it today. Follow your heart and always ask the holy spirit to lead you and guide you in all your ways, for only God knows His perfect will and plan that He has predestined for your life, not your momma, daddy, nor family or friends, but only GOD Almighty has it all map out. No more worrying, for He got you. Be at peace and rest in this season, because He is going to move you higher. In this shift, not everyone can come with you, so if God removes certain or several people in your life, then don't be dismay, let it go. He will send new friends who will help you and who know the true meaning of friendship.

BREAKTHROUGH

BREAKTHROUGH

"Things are about to change"
From the Word: Genesis 32: 24

"And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day. And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of Jacob's thigh; and the hollow of Jacob's thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him. And he said, let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me. And he said unto him, what is thy name? And he said, Jacob. And he said, thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed."
God has downloaded this message to me that I want to share with you:
Things are about to change! It is a dawning of a new day and a new day is dawning! During this season, there are some things you will have to wrestle with alone, and unless you wrestle with those things you will not see the blessing that God has downloaded into the equation of destiny, purpose and time manifested. There is a place in God where the space is big enough for ONLY you. Once you are there, you must press into His Secret Place. In this place you will have the greatest opportunity to wrestle with life-altering issues in prayer. Like Jacob, you will experience a sense of aloneness. It is the safest place to spend what I call "me-time." Everyone needs "me-time; a time for you to discover who you really are. A time where you are not defined by what you do or did, but who God originally designed you to be. Do not allow others to define who you are. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Do not mistake your aloneness with loneliness. There is a difference between loneliness and aloneness. Loneliness occurs when there is an involuntary and obvious absence of people who contribute to your sense of belonging. Aloneness, on the other hand, is a voluntary state wherein a person positions him/her self in a place of solitude and separation. In this text Jacob chose solitude, so that he could wrestle with his destiny and future. In this season, you must find your place of solitude to wrestle with your destiny. This is a season where prayer and fasting will catapult you into a realm of prosperity, health, and success. When you choose this place, you will soon discover that you have chosen to dwell in the secret place of the Most High God. Wrestling with personal issues in this place will always cause you to emerge with more than what you discard there. You will always prevail over the enemy in this place. If you feel that you will come out with less, it means the enemy has prevailed over your life. Stay in this place with God until you break through. This is not the season for the enemy to prevail; this is the season for the body of Christ to prevail. Decree and declare this over your situation: "I am coming out with more!" and "Lord, I will not leave until you bless me."
Jacob's name was associated with a reproach. He had to wrestle with this because his name caused him to be stigmatized. The name Jacob, meaning supplanter and schemer, affected him in a very deep way. It was not only his birth name, but it had now become an integral part of his nature. All of his life he had to fight for everything that he acquired. He felt he had to take life in his own hands. Have you ever been in the place where your whole life and existence was predicated upon one fight after another? You are fighting for attention, fighting to be heard, fighting for peace, fighting for your life. Even now, you may be wrestling with some deep financial, emotional, spiritual, personal issues. God spoke to me and told me that this is the ending of a season of warfare and the beginning of a season of rest. The struggle is over! You are no longer wrestling with the devil but with your own destiny. So you might as well give in to the will of God concerning your life. God has given you power over all the power of the enemy. Now allow God to activate the hidden power and potential for growth and development, beyond your yesterday experiences. He has the power and holds the secrets to unleashing your true and authentic nature and removing all stigmas and attachments to your name.
Have you ever been to a point where you feel you have to take life in your own hands? Sometimes life gets desperate; you don't see any other way to survive. All of the odds were stacked against you and you had to make your own way. You have been there for others but when it was your turn, no one was there for you I have been there. But I learned to cast all my cares upon God.
Life happens in cycles of 7. You have completed one cycle and you are starting a new cycle of 7. How you exit one season determines how you enter a new season. You have to be able to walk out of the old in order to access the new. God is re-programming your ear to hear a different kind of frequency. He is synchronizing and syncopating you to His symphonic and choreographic movements. I decree that in this season you will be in sync with the divine timing of God.
Everything in 2008 will work according to the timing of the Lord. We are nearing the end of the first quarter and what you hold as priority in the first quarter is going to determine what is going to happen in the next seven years. As with music, in order to move into a new movement, you must resolve the previous movement. Do not try to enter this new season without resolving things from the past season. What God is doing in the first quarter is providing the thrust needed to begin anew and to experience breakthrough. Many of you have battled last year; you were in a cycle of frustration, lack, desperation, and it seemed as if things were not going to change. Like the proverbial saying, "if it was not one thing, it was another." Once you got through one challenge another one was right on its heels. Do not despair. Help and divine intervention is on the way!
There are many believers that are falling between the cracks. The devil wants to keep you in an old cycle, a cycle where he had control over your destiny. The enemies of your soul want to create a cycle where you don't break through to the next level. You could be doing the right thing at the wrong time. Do not allow the spirits of frustration, distraction, anxiety, doubt or fear cause you to miss God in this season. You have to stay focused in this season. This is the year of breakthrough. During this season you are being transitioned into a new me. I hear the Lord say, what is happening is you are ending a season of warfare and you are entering a season of rest and celebration. A season where I will display and manifest my governmental anointing through you. What is needed now is thrust, momentum, consistency, and commitment. Don't let up, don't give in. Hold fast to the profession of your faith. I am thrusting you into position where you will have to make some very hard decisions in order to seamlessly and smoothly move into something that is new. Those things or people that held your five foot ladder cannot hold your 24 foot ladder. Therefore, this year will be a year of release; a year of circumcision and a year of new beginnings. You must release some things and some people. I will release some things to you and some things will be released to you by people. I will release new mantles, gifts, anointing and opportunities.
No more stagnation, the water is rising; water represents movement of the Holy Spirit; water represents the flow of the anointing. You must let go of the old in order to access the new. You will experience breakthrough shortly. A breakthrough is a sudden burst of anointing, awareness and revelation knowledge that propels an individual, organization and ministry pass the point of an impenetrable threshold, glass ceiling, familiarity, comfort, limitations, boundaries, barriers and restrictions, into a new superior dimension and/or realm, breaking soul-ties, shattering strongholds, while establishing new paradigms, relationships, anointing, authority and an awareness of new opportunities. I decree that this is your year for a breakthrough.
This is the year of the supernatural exponential progression. God will do for you in the next 12-months you could never do for your self in 12 years. This is the year of the open heavens: the clouds are clearing. The sun will shine. He will cause His voice to be trumpeted and cause you to triumph over your enemies. This year will be characterized by open portals. Look for divine opportunities and supernatural ideas. He will make you first and not last. You will have dominion! He will cause you to progress. He will supernaturally cause you to accomplish great things. This is not just the era of the pulpit this is the era of the pew. You are going to break through in your prayer life. God will release a new governmental anointing on your prayer life. You will no longer pray earthbound prayers you will be able to make declarations from heaven's supreme court. He will give you supernatural increase no more lack! You will decree a thing and it shall be established. You don't have to settle for a good life; you can have the perfect life.My prayer for you:
Father you are perfect in all of your ways; you have measured the borders; you have weighed the mountains and scales in a balance. I thank you that things are about to shift; that we have entered a new season.
I decree and declare 2008 a year of new beginnings. I decree and declare that the courage, the capacity, the drive, the commitment and desire to walk away from and sever old things and into the new is released into your spirit now. As we proceed out of the first quarter, I decree you will not leave this quarter without seeing the manifestation of those things that were ordained before the foundation of this world.
I pray that you will be synchronized and syncopated to the timing of the Lord; and that nothing will be withheld from you; that you will now function without frustration and without hindrance. I decree and declare the heavens, and every portal is swinging wide open. I decree access. I decree that everything in your life is changing for the best. The struggle is over in Jesus name. I command you to breakthrough,

A Soulful Relationship

A Soulful Relationship By Reverend Ronald McFadden

If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflection it.

An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye. 'Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults are not really important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws,vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs,values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individuals who have decided to share a life together. Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best of each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control?What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life', you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy,deceitfulness, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship. Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

Q. What keeps a relationship strong? Answer: Communication, intimacy (not sex), trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some get away time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, a shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note), sharing common goals and interests. Leave a nice message on their voice mail or send a nice email. Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each others family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain will replace the passion. 'Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.' The grass withers, the flowers fades, but the word of God stands forever. Isaiah 40:8. Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight? Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary. The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the 'I'.

Which One

Ok, I need help on this. I'm finally getting a cell phone, however I don't know which is the best carrier. So far Verizion has my attention, but at first I was looking at At&T. So for all participators, please tell me which carrier and why. Is it Sprint, AT&T, Verizion, T-Mobile....

Take Care of You!

It's been quite crazy over here. No need to even go there. One thing about this whole blog thing, I promised myself that I would not use/abuse it as a venting ground. I understand that may work for some people, but for me, nahhh. We deal with enough stress, bad news, and havoc, so why come here and start fussing. Besides people, you know I love to laugh....I laugh, you laugh *wink*

Nothing really new, although I did receive some not so good news on something that I have been waiting for since the summer of last year. I'm ok, I just have to trust God and keep it moving. They say when one door closes, God open another one. So I'm just trusting that He has something better. Expect nothing but the best, right?

Well couple of days ago mom and I went to John Hopkins in Bmore for my second opinion concerning this whole Lupus disease that the doctors say I have. Ohhhh my! I have heard some serious good things about John Hopkins, matter of fact, a lot of Delawareans go to JH. Any event, I went and I was very please. This doctor really took care of me. He listened, took notes, asked questions and when he found out that these Delaware Dr.'s prescribed be 100mg (5x a day) of Prednisone (steroids), he flipped out. First and for the longest, he didn't believe me. He said that they don't even MAKE such a high dosage of Prednisone, and I told him that they did (I wasn't trying to be smart mouth). So we went back and forth. People, keep your records for your records, you never know. I explained everything and just by his facial expression I could tell that he knew these Doctors did me wrong (not all of them), so if I have to drive an hour and some, then I'll do that. I don't want myself or anyone jepardizing my health anymore.

I've been eating right (sometimes) but definitely going to the gym. I've been trying to keep up on my appearance. See, for me, looking good is not hard, it's being consistence with it. That's the part where I need help. Before I lost myself (in marriage, kids, life growing pains, etc...) I used to be on POINT!!! Nails, BAM! Hair, BAM! Toes stayed done, BAM! Eyebrows waxed, BAM! Always dressed up, BAM! Smell good, BAM! Body right, Double BAM!! And the list goes on from smell goods to just flat out fashionable. Ohhhh, but then trials and tribulations came and need I say more that I let myself go. I spoke with an old college friend of mine and he brought back to my remembrance of how I used to carry myself. He was like, "A, your hair was always done, nails, very classy, always looking good etc..." and as he was talking, I drifted in thought and was like, "wow, I used to look/be that, wowwww, where is she now?" "I need to get her back and be better then what I was before." I don't want to look back and say those were my glory days, NO! I should be looking hotter then before. From top to bottom. I've been down too long, sad too long, neglected myself too long. I'm still young, what the heck, I need to get it together and do ME! So I set up my own personal beauty regimen. Again, it's keeping up with the look. I have no problem getting my eyebrows done, it's just that I will wait til they look like caterpillars or centipedes til I get them redone. This time round it's every two weeks for me to get them redone and I'm sticking with it. My hubby's cousin has been trying to convince me to get a Brazilian bikini wax and finally I did and I LOVE IT!!!!! So needless to say I will add that to the list. Ladies, please try it, you will actually love it. A massage once a month is also what I'm going for. Just keeping it overall tight and together. Clothes, hair, accessories, shoes, you name it. I even brought some more M.A.C eyeshadow and I love it. It's funny, people treat you different when you look or present yourself a certain way, I don't agree with it, but that's the society we live in. Oh yeah, don't forget to take your vitamins. Anybody can dress it up on the outside, but you want to be healthy on the inside. Spiritual heath, well pray. They say prayer changes things and I totally agree. Prayer gives you hope, peace and faith, in JESUS name.

It's Been A Minute

It feels good to be back on here. I hope all had a Happy New Year and expecting nothing but the best for the 2008 season. All is well with me. Just lots of doctors appointment, testing, and follow-ups. Everything is looking good with my heart and health. I really had cut out the salt in my diet as well as fat. I started up the gym two weeks ago and I'm loving it. I'm really feeling better as the days go by. Now, I'm still on medical leave but I made a decision in my mind that I will no longer be able to work at the job I'm at. It demands too much stress and right now with the heart condition I have I don't need that type of stress. Honestly, it hasn't even been 3 months since the surgery. I need at least 6 months to recover...well, again, I'm resigning as a family service worker. Now I can focus on the real estate and I'm thinking about reopening my daycare, but this time I need to find a building.

What's new in my world. Well after all these years of wanting an authentic african garment, my prayers were answered. My girlfriend sister in law came in from Nigeria (her first time in the states) and when we first met she gave me a 3pc jewlry set, and then right before we left to go to the outlets at the beach, she handed me a beautiful black and white african attire. Ohhhh man, my heart melted, that was too sweet of her. I have to call her "auntie" Dami because she older then me. I still don't understand that, but oh well. Auntie Dami and I got along very well. I expected her to be serious but she was down to earth and schooled me and my girlfriend on fashion and husbands. Her stepdaughter also came along with her, Tito. She is cool too. She is the one that is getting married and they both invited me to the wedding which is in Nigeria. Man, that would be sweet. We'll see, although it would be nice.

Baby daddy (wink) and I are getting along better then ever. It's like our friendship has been restored and revived (we all know it was God). I finally forgave the hell hubby put me through and I no longer throw his wrong doings in his face because I finally truly forgave. True forgiveness is when you forget that persons wrong doings and love them with a new love, and that can only happen with the help of the holy spirit. When we ask God for forgiveness, does He throw our sins back in our face? Nope, not at all. I'm not saying it's easy, trust me. Look how long it too me, since 2006. Better late then never, right.

LOVE, LAUGH, and LIVE, that's my motto for this year. I'm living my life like it's golden, because it is.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

I truly hope that all have a wonderful Christmas. Yeah, yeah, we know it's not all about the gifts, trees, food, however it's about God's love; He love us so much that He sent His only son Jesus to us. Let us continue to be thankful for every single thing God has done. We have eyes to see, ears to hear, you know the simple little things in life we probably take for granted everyday.

Let's not look at what we don't have, focus on the good and what you DO have. Check this out....are you not reading this blog, be thankful that you can read.

2008 is the year of new beginnings and many other things. For me, I will finally be living my life like I was suppose to be. The surgery was a bitter sweet incident. It really was good for me for that to happen. I realize that I wasn't living my life to the fullest. I was always putting off "fun" or simple pleasure of life. Basically, I was living in the future and not living in the now. Well bloggers, I finally can say, I'm ready to live my life now. And I will live in the "now" and not tomorrow. If I want to get, buy, do, eat, watch, and the moment is right, then I will do so. NO more putting my life on hold, for no MAN or WOMAN....I'm living my life.....finally.

Bloggers, have a safe and wonderful New Year's

I Had Heart Surgery, Yup, Sure Did

I don't even know where to begin or how to start. Should I talk about the past on how I believe it all start or should I begin with this year......dunno. It's bad enough that I'm a lengthy writer and I want to keep it as simple as possible. As young as I am I would have never thought it could happent to me. Enough....this is what happen. It all started with me not feeling well. Coughing, sweating, fever, etc...so I went to the Dr. and he said I had bronchitis. Gave me the meds and I was on my merry way. I was fine for a while, but I notice that when I'm doing my normal get ready for work routine that I was huffing and puffing and my heart rate was racing like crazy, but I thought nothing of it (actually I did which I need to lose this weight). When I dropped off my children to school, my heart was really pounding and I felt light headed. So fast forward.....I went back to my doctor because I was having chest pains and my legs were numb, and my finger tips were very tender, so tender that I had trouble opening a piece of candy or even turning the steering wheel. Doctor said I had the pnemonia and gave me meds and wanted me to get blood work done, so I did. Blood work came back and it was very low. I was suppose to be a 12, but I was a 9. My iron was shot....I am anemic so Dr. gave me iron pills. Oh yeah, I forgot. I could not keep anything down. I was forever throwing up, so for a couple of days I was barley eating but I was drinking juice. So got new meds from Dr. and took it. I wasn't getting better. My sister suggested that I go to the emergency room, but I was like no.... Two more days passed by and Sunday around 4:30pm, I couldn't take it any more. I was breathing so hard and my heart felt like it was going to bust! I couldn't even lay down to sleep, I slept on my knees and elbows. I had to take a bath before I went to the hospital, who knows what they are going to do, besides, you know that saying, "make sure you have on clean underwear when you go to the hospital, lol" It took me 3 hours to get ready. When I was in the tub and tried to pick up my washcloth, I was totally out of breath, I mean seriously huffing and puffing. It was work trying to wash up, dry off and put on my clothes. Each item of clothing took at least 5 minutes or so, yes people, it was that bad. Half the time I was sitting down trying to catch my breath. I'm totally convince that I needed to go to the hospital. You see, I'm the type that tries and will duke it out. Finally I made it downstairs, got the phone and called my hubby to take me to the hospital.

At The Hospital

I'm staggering into the hospital as if I ran a marathon. Signed in and I looked over to my right where the waiting room was and it was PACKED!!!! It looked like a club. I'm thinking, " ohhh lord, I'm going to die." The lady sat me down and asked me questions and then the personal questions. I was a little embarrass because baby daddy was right there of course. Because I check off the sign in paper, chest pains, shortness of breath, nausea, and two other things and then I added the numb legs, vomiting, fever, sweating, and dizzy they immediately gave me a room to be examined. They popped me in the wheelchair and I was in room #8, ahhh yes, the # means new beginnings.....Anyway, they started on me and they were moving very fast pace. They strip my clothes off and gave me the oh so beautiful hospital gown, took my blood, did X-rays on my chest, hooked me up to the oxygen, and slapped an IV in my arm. Dr. came and was asking me all the questions in the world. Then Dr. got the cardiologist. He came in and asked his dozen of questions and told me he was going to do an ECO on my heart to see what was going on. Brought the machine in and like an ultrasound he was looking at my heart, and so was I. Look at it, pumping hard, went through a lot.....wow.....my heart.....been broken....yet still beating.....been stressed.....yet still beating...been wounded....but Jesus healed it all. Ok, so the cardiologist discovers that there was fluid around my heart and it was lots of it. How did it get there? Your guess is just as good as mines. But it's there and it needs to go. Now the cardiologist is talking about 2 types of surgery that he can preform. As he is talking to my hubby and I on the procedures, I space out thinking to myself, "what the heck?! I'm about to get heart surgery? I'm only 31 years old, what's going on?" The cardiologist told my hubby it will be an hour procedure and they rushed me off in the bed to the operating room. As they did, I was praying like crazy.

On The Operating Table

Ohhhhh lord, I'm actually going to be operated on! They prep my body and groin area for that thing to go where my heart is. Yes bloggers, I was up.....I should have been put to sleep. Anywho (smile), he started in the groin area first and as he did he kept squirting the numbing stuff then he finally got where the fluid was. He tried to get it out but for whatever reason it wouldn't happen. He tried and tried and got frustrated. I got frustrated too, laying on that cold table and I think I'm going to die. What was suppose to be an hour long ended up to be 3 1/2 hours. Because he couldn't get the fluid, he popped his gloves off and got on the phone and appeared as though he was fussing to another Dr. stating his case. Got off the phone, and then he started in a new area which was under my left breast. There he go again, sticking that long thing in my side....fast forward...the fluid still wouldn't come out. Now I'm ready to get off this table! Then I found my body fading away......OH MY GOSH!!!!!!! I panicked! I told the Dr. and the nurses, "my body is fading away......my body is fading away......" The Dr. said "what?" "Your fine, all your vital signs are healthy" Then I said, "no, my body is fading away." Don't laugh bloggers, but this is what happened....first, my butt left, I no longer felt it, then my legs left off the table, arms, then my speech became very slur and my tongue was paralyze, then I went deaf, I could no longer hear. OHHHHH NOOOOOOO, I'm about to die and I didn't even tell my love ones good bye. So then I begin to repent and ask God to get all the unforgiveness out of my heart, etc...... What an experience. I was in a dark place and there was this tiny bit of light. I was too scared to really look to see where I was, I didn't know if I was going to see demons or angels. I asked God if I was going to go home with Him and He said, "I will live and not die" I continue to pray and I wasn't trying to accept the fact that that I was going to die like this....it was suppose to be a simple heart procedure. I was praying and missing if you know what I mean. You know how you pray but you just missing it, so you have to quiet yourself and your emotions and will to God so He can show you what you need to pray for....well, that's what happen. I finally quiet myself and sure enough the holy spirit showed me that I had offense in my heart towards my husband. Matter of fact the Lord played back the event. It was when I was sick and I really thought that I was going to die and I told my husband that if I die, I wanted you to know that I really loved, and he said in so many words, "whatever attitude" So that hurt my heart....when the Lord should me that I held that against him, I was like..."ohh dear". So I repented. Then I asked God again, will I die? I don't want to, I have 3 children to raise, yes they pluck my nerves sometimes, but I want to raise them....so the Lord assured me that I was going to survive the heart surgery. God did tell me so other things but that is just for my ears. It was a divine appointment. Too bad it had to happen like that, but it was needful, very needful. It was a wake up call for me and my destiny. So then all of the sudden my body came back and my speech came back and my hearing. I kept saying to the Dr. and nurses, "my body is back, my body is back," they looked at me and said, "good." I know they were probably thinking, "you never left". Oh well. Little did they know I had an appointment with God.

The Dr. tilt my body several times to get the fluid and and very little came out, so he quick the surgery and left the drain in my side under my breast. I was in much pain but happy because it was over and I'm alive. They finished me off and put me in the bed and off I went.

AfterMath

Husband was there to greet me and I was in such pain and drugged up. This male nurse was my nurse and he was not a good nurse. But later I got me a good nurse who really took care of me. From then, all day everyday, they took my blood, gave me shots like crazy, pricking my finger, Xrays, even on my hands, cat scans, kidney dyopsis (msp), and a blood transfusion, it was crazy. They strip my diet to 2gr. of sodium and 2gr. of fat, they said I had hyper tension. I was in the hospital for 2 weeks. They released me the day before Thanksgiving. I dropped 25lbs in the hospital. When I got home, all I did was sleep and stay in the bed for another two weeks straight. I'm still in recovery mode. I still have some pain as I type, but each day I'm getting stronger. I'm watching what I'm eating, especially the salt intake. I'm thankful and grateful that God gave me another chance to live. It's funny how you think you maybe ready to die, and give up on life. No, don't, there is too much work here on this earth to be done, things will get better, you just have to hold out to the very end. Life is really precious and I'm glad I'm here. Don't take life or your love ones for granted, you never know. Had I died, how would you all ever known? Yes bloggers I did cry at the hospital, but again it was a wake up call for my destiny. I thank God for another day. Love you all.

Why Did I Get Married?

I must say, this movie is a must see. I have to admit, when I heard the title, I was offended. Reading that question was like listening to a person who has many regrets, attitudes and hurt against what God ordained, marriages. However, when I watched and saw different previews, I realized that Tyler Perry wasn't putting down marriages. I was reading the title wrong. I was reading it in a regretful way. Try it, read the title in a more happy/appreciative way...."Why did I get Married?" Funny how we can say one thing in 5 different ways. We can say "close the door" in 5 ways. Anyway, I also realized that there was no "Madea" in this movie. The reason why I'm not crazy about Madea (Tyler Perry plays this part as a woman) is because it's cross dressing. In Deutermony it states that a man should not put on woman's garment and vice versa. When one cross dress, they are channeling spirits...you attract those spirits. Totally against the word of God....anyway, that's another subject for another time.

I went to see this movie Saturday. I was on a hot date. Who was I dating? Myself, lol. It was just me, I treated myself and it was so wonderful that I will go to the movies by myself again.

Onto the movie, I loved all the characters, but more importantly it was real life drama issues that may creep up in marriages. Who reminded me of moi and the same drama issues was the character played by Jill Scott aka Sheila. OH MY GOSH, watching her was like watching ME. She was the one believing in God to heal the marriage BUT the husband didn't want to do or live right by her....sound familiar? He was sick of her being fat, forever complaing about her weight issues...sound familiar again? All I can say is that I saw a lot of me in her issues. Yeah, he divorce her, but the sweet thing was that someone was there to help her heal.....ok, in my case it was the Holy Spirit, not some good looking dude, lol. But this guy did lead and guide her righteously. The another character Angela will have y0u laughing. She is hilarious....please, just see the movie...don't boot leg it....

You know when you have allowed God to thoroughly heal you. You'll know because when you see or go back on memory lane on the matter, you feel no pain or hurt. You don't get that negative feeling. You don't even have the urge to cry or get mad....you just calm and have peace in you heart. I truly believe and know that God healed me from the hurtful issues in my marriage. I was able to watch this character Sheila go through the same abuse that I did and not hurt....I could relate, but I didn't hurt. That's awesome. Whatever you maybe hurting from no matter how traumatic, God can heal you, BUT you have to let Him do it all the way. Stop taking back the healing process, stop! Just keep releasing it even if it's everyday. Let God heal you all the way, it's worth it. NO MORE STUFFING your hurt, pain, regrets, shame. Loose it right now in Jesus Name and ask for forgiveness. Now ask God to fill you with His love. Man's love is conditional, but God's love is unconditional. So what if your daddy hurt you, your mama wasn't there for you...pls, your dad can't even answer why he did what he did, so STOP IT!!! And look to God to heal you, then you will get your answer that you have been waiting for years for.

No Words Can Explain How Beautiful This Is!!!!

This is dedicated at all my wedding website lovers *wink*
Please read the story first.

http://www.photosbyknight.com/gray/
Imagine......... thinking you are attending your brother's birthday party, just to find out your boyfriend has reserved ten (10) rooms @ the Ritz Carlton...Upon entering each room a special letter is being read by someone special (in your circle of friends/family). Please take notice to the detail of each room, different color roses and some are laced in gold (breath taking). I'm not sure how long it took this young man to prepare this surprise for her... But I'm very sure she was very pleased.This is off the charts and very romantic. Robert is a graduate of Southern University (Q-dog) and is now an accountant with Home Depot at their corporate office in Atlanta . My understanding is that he financially footed the bill for this weekend himself. It was not supplemented by his parents. I was told that he moved in with his sister for approx. 6mos. and saved the money to pay for the engagement ring and all of the bells and whistles for this very special evening.A radio station in ATL was playing the song in the slide show and described what he had done and some men called in saying they had to step their game up. It actually touched a few of them because they admitted they didn't respect women on the level that he respects her.

For the record, I did not write this story. I don't even know who to give the credit to. It was sent to me through an email as a fwd. Just wanted to make that clear.

Now for my input.....
All I can say is WOW!!! Do men like that really exist. How did he even get this vision. You know it was from God. Everything is symbolic. It makes me wonder how did he even come to something like this. He really values her and that is so special especially in these days. I pray that they will have a wonderful marriage. I am so happy for that sister. I pray he treats her right and is respectful to her. So ladies and men, I guess there is hope. For the record, there is always hope.

Worth Watching

I GOT A JOB

Eyahhhh! Opps, Yeahhhhh! LOL! So excited, can't even type. Yes, by the grace of God, the doors were open.

I have been looking for a job for a little over 3 years now but couldn't find one. Then it got to the point where I was going to settle. Mind you I have a degree, trust me, that doesn't mean much, but if you have it then it would be nice to use it. My mom kept fussing at me saying over and over, "you have to get your foot in the door or you have to crawl before you walk", does that mean McDonald's!? I thought I paid my dues in crawling. Ok, I wouldn't mind being a secretary in an office, but starting on the very bottom, sorry, but I'm not feeling it. Please, this sista had scrubbed floors/toilets, worked at the Burger King, McDonald's, Playtex factory and Sunroc (the water cooler that's probably in your office). I was in this program that helps you find a job, but the jobs they were offering or showing us were these "out of high school" jobs. It was frustrating. All I kept thinking was, "after being a stay at home mom for over 7 years, and all the sacrificing that I did, is this what I get?" Can I have at least something in my field (sociology)!? Man, but you know, I had to submit my ways to God again and ask Him for what He wanted, not me. Ok, so then the word got out that Protor&Gamble were hiring for 1st, 2nd and 3rd shift. By now people I was exhausted from looking/applying for jobs by now. My attitude was, WHATEVER!!!!! I just kept thinking what my mom kept saying, so I'm like you know what, screw it! I'll apply. Then I had to readjust my attitude, cuz people I'm really hurting. Is this the best I can do!? Then it's only for $7.75/hr! But then the Lord brought something to my attention, which was, "it's not about you". If God wanted me to go on an assignment at P&G for a soul or souls then so be it. Its' about Kingdom business. You take care of God's business He'll surely take care of your heart desires. Sure enough, I went through the process and took the drug test and all. Wait, I already applied and had an interview for the job position that I really wanted. Family Service Worker at a corporation. I usually would pray my heart out for this job I wanted, but you know, I'm maturing now, instead of praying my will, I just said "Lord, your will be done." I rested off of that. Anyway, long story short, when I was done with the drug test I went home thinking well, I'll be working at a factory again, at least it's a job. When I opened the door, my mom said, "Ms.Blah called and she said you got the job." I'm thinking, WHAT!?" Mom said it again, "Ms. Blah called from Telamon Corp. and said you got the job." I was smiling, but shocked. I'm thinking, "they want me?"

Funny, I truly know with all my heart it was a test from God. First of all, when hired, they do not give out that information over the phone, secondly, once I gave up my will and asked God for His will to be done (gave up my desires for HIS desires), then that's when God moved on my behalf and opened that door. That's what I learned this time round. Although I knew it, I was blinded out of desperateness. Have you ever been so desperate that you'll do almost whatever it takes. Yeah, that was I.

Needless to say, I HAVE A JOB!!!!! So far I've been working there for only 2 days. It feels like home and I know I will enjoy it. The staff is down to earth and friendly. I have a feeling that I will be there for a while. Oh yeah, my hours are the bomb. 7:30am-2:30pm, plus I'm 5mins away from my children's school, how awesome is that. I'm thankful, because I wanted something close to my children's school and not burn up the highway every morning.

Everything else is cool. Can't believe this year is almost over. I've been a lil busy now since school is starting for the kids plus this new job.......I GOT A JOB!!!!

Feels good getting back out there. I'm still adjusting.

I Got A Job!!!

It's My Birthday!

Yes, yes...I'm 31 years experience with life now. Therefore, I'm a grown woman *smile*

I must say my actual birthday was laid back, very laid back. After a job interview that I had, I just came home and plopped on the couch to catch some zzz's. This year I didn't expect anyone to really call me except for my sis. She sang a sweet soulful happy birthday to me. Mother-in-law called and did the same, now I was surprised. A good friend from church called me too and wished me a happy one. I thought that was sweet. This year I am not calling around reminding people that it's my birthday. Shoot, if I've known you for 3 years now, you either know or you don't. So aside from family, one person called, lol. That's better then none. Oops, baby daddy called and wished me a happy one, and he sent lots of roses to my house. It was really sweet, but I wish he didn't do that.

However my best friend took me out on Saturday for my birthday. We went to the King of Prussia mall in PA. We had a ball. She surprised me with a "make -up session" at Sephora. When we walked in and it looked as if we were in the movies. All the make-up artist moving around, doing faces, music pumping, lip glosses, eye shadows, perfumes, and all the glamour! It was very fast pace environment. My friend wanted me to relax and get professionally made over by one of the artist. It was funny because she wanted one of the men with sweetness in his tank to do my make-up. People, I'm very picky when it comes to my personal things. Honestly, I preferred a woman to do my face and that's what we got. She was GOOD!!! I wanted the smoky eye look/effect and boy did she give me what I wanted. Because it was my birthday, I received a free gift from Sephora and my buddy brought me the smokey eye shadow make-up kit from there as well for me. That was sooo sweet. Made me feel special. She took pictures so I'm waiting for her to send them to me. We were going to eat at the Cheesecake Factory, but it was a 2 hour wait. NOT! So we went to California Kicthen Pizza. I didn't want pizza, so I ordered the Thai curry noodles with chicken. Spicy and full of flavor.

What did I learn this go round? (I'm sighing), I wished I would have learned to enjoy life years ago. People, this life that they say, "LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE NOW" well, you ARE living your best life now. This is it. Stop waiting for something "Big" to happen, just live it up in the place where you are now. Stop waiting for the promotion, car, job, graduation, baby, getting married, losing weight, gaining weight, wedding, shopping spree, etc... You and only you can make your life happy, it's a choice, an everyday choice. I find humor in everything. If not, then I'll be stressed like crazy. Ride the waves of life with enjoyment!

Til We Read Again....

The internet is being shut down over here. I don't know for how long or how soon. In the meantime, I'll be retransitioning (is that a word?!) over there myself. All will be well for me and my children.

Bloggers, stay strong.....stay focus....stay alive, meaning your hopes and dreams. Put God first because He is the only One who will get you through. He has the masterplan for your life....put God first in all you do.

One luv

My AKA Debutante Cotillion

yankeenaijachick , you inspired me to write this....

http://yankeenaijababe.blogspot.com/

Pearls of Loveliness is what our theme was, I think...ummm, Vision of Loveliness, dunno, but I do remember it was something that had "pearls" in it. Ah yes, 1993 was a year to remember. Finding sponsors, escorts, album book, how to be a lady, eat like a lady, dress like a lady, walk and talk like a lady and the overall how to present yourself like a lady was pretty much the AKA's debutante mo. This night is suppose to be the most special night of every debutante. Debutante cotillion is when the young girl becomes a woman, her "coming out" is what they may call it. Well, unfortunately that wasn't the case for me. Everything was fine and beautiful up til the actual night. My sponsor was wonderful! She did everything for me. Dr. O was more then a blessing. She is very close to our family, especially my mom. I was the one who was suppose to do the running around begging for money, heheee, yeah, begging I call it, but she did all the foot and hand work for me. This lady is sharp. She's well known on the Delaware State University campus and local community. It seems as though she was more excited for me then I was for myself.

Any event, the time came where I needed an escort. Mind you I was a junior in high school and was shy as ever when it came to boys. If that wasn't bad enough (being shy), there were hardly any good black guys in our school. I mean barely! Matter of fact, in all my college preps classes, either I or maybe one or two others were black in the class, but for the most part it was just me...lil ole black girl. Ok so, none of the guys in high school added up to the call. Too thugged out, too ghetto, or too much. Wait, now that I think of it, there were probably two guys I had my eye on, but I didn't have enough nerve to ask them.

After one Aka deb meeting, mom and Dr. O were chatting about me and an escort. I vividly remember my mom saying to Dr. O, "oh dear, Angie doesn't have an escort." Dr. O said so coolly to my mom, "ohhh don't worry about that, J will take her." OK, J is her son. We are pretty much the same age, well he's older by two years. Now J is cool. We both went to the same church and we both were always involved in church functions together along with others. Matter of fact, he used to like me when I first went to the church but I didn't like him. He had a cute smile, but a bit too chunky for me, but he lost the weight later on. When that was said, I was pretty cool with the arrangement, no big deal, right?

When we debs were to have our escorts present for the meetings, he was there each time. Learning the crazy dance as if we were back in England (Renaissance period), the greeting, bowing, and being plain graceful was the name of the game. J and I laughed and had a nice time, but we hardly talked. We were just quiet. No real conversation ever went on between us. Gee whiz, I understand that he was forced (basically) to be my escort, but he should have at least shown a little interest.

Anyway, the night came for my coming out. I had my nails done (fake/long), hair, make-up, dress was flowing and I was ready for my big night along with the rest of the girls. The Aka's were complementing me left and right. I felt special and I was looking forward to see my escort. Not to see how he looked, but I wanted him to see me. I knew he would be speechless....ha!

The ball room was GORGEOUS! Pink was everywhere. Pink and white balloons was the main decor, jazz music was playing so smoothly, the lights were dimmed, waiters and waitress were waiting patiently to be at our service, atmosphere was great and mannn, it was just lovely!

Ok, so now it's time for us to meet our escorts, and sit at the assigned tables. As I was watching all the other escorts complent and marvel over their dates, I was looking forward to the "wide eye look" of my escort of me being beautiful for the night. J looked at me, then looked at my nails then looked away. I'm thinking to myself, "WHAT!?" He couldn't even say, "you look nice", that hurt. Instead he said to me, "are those fake nails?" Ok people, this was strange and weird. Da heck?! On top of that he was acting very distant to me. It seemed as though someone got in his head. We had little to no conversation at the table. It was terrible. Sad thing, well, really it was a good thing that his sisters who are twins, kept coming to our table smiling, talking, and taking pictures of us as well as my sisters. Especially my sisters. They saw the cold treatment I was getting from Mr. Nigerian and they kept coming to my rescue as well as his sisters. The whole night he probably said five sentences to me. Then when it was over, guess what.....the brother just up and left, he didn't even let me know that he was leaving. I was looking for him because people were asking me where was J. No peck on the cheek, no hug, no "I had a good time", no "see you around/bye". What was that about?! People you know something, I wasn't' hurt by this. I just thought he was rude. The good thing is that I didn't like him in that way. If I did then I would have been CRUSHED!

It wasn't til years later, 27 years old now I found out who, what, and why that happened. J's Nigerian father told him that I wasn't good enough for him...I wasn't worthy and that J deserve something better. Nigerian daddy also told J not to get any ideas with me because I wasn't good enough for his full blooded Nigerian son. It all made sense. Because I always questioned that night...."what went wrong?" Sure enough that was 3 years ago when I was told who the corporate of that bug in J's head. Dr. O told my mom, then mom told me. It was cool though. However, my question is to his dad, "who are you to determine if I'm worthy?" You don't know who I will be in life. It's funny cuz I told my girlfriend this story, and she dated several Nigerians, well she said out loud, "those dang Nigerians!" I had to laugh, it was funny. Then she proceeded, "that happened to me too, his Nigerian aunt found out that I had two kids and she told me to my face that he deserve better then that, because I wasn't worthy." Honestly, that made me feel a lil better.

What I learned is that you will only know your self worth and value from God. How does God see you? What visions and dreams did God place in you? Is your confidence in God, self, degrees or what people say about you, etc... Only Christ can show you, you. Not the media, naysayers, friends, family or professors.

The thing was his mom loved and still loves me. She always treated me like a daughter. Years later we had the Young Adult Choir Reunion concert (which was last year) and of course Dr. O and all her family was there. I haven't seen her since the AKA cotillion. When she saw me, her eyes lit up and she embraced me tightly, then she looked at me as if she wanted to say something, but then she just hugged me some more. Now this hug was different. It was as if she was trying to say to me, "I'm sorry, and you are worthy of my son, you are beautiful." It was closure. His sisters came and hugged me too and was marveling how good I looked. They are so sweet.

J's wife was there at the concert with their baby girl. He's married now. Anyway, I wanted to exchange words with him, but when the opportunity came, he mumbled out a sad hello to me and quickly walked passed me. We bascially grew up together in the church and we haven't seen each other in 14 yrs and you give me a sad water down hello? It's all good. Because his mom loved on me and his sisters, that was good enough for me.

African American Festival

Drummers, dancers, soul food, laughter, children running around with goodies in their hands, lots of African vendors for miles, loud music, and more food. Needless to say I had a good time. Man, just watching the people at the festival was amusement for me. Wild crazy hairstyles, tight and loose clothing, and everyone strutting their stuff. Vendors traveled from all over from New Jersey, New York, Maryland, Virginia, and Pennsylvania every year. They had their products from scented oils, clothing, music, sculptures, incense, pictures, and things that would interest any eye. The weather was perfect, not too hot, just warm and some wind. One thing that did bother me was that it's called "African American Festival". Is it just me or does someone else sees it? Why "American?" That's not right. It's supposed to be African Festival and that's it. Dang Delaware. I tell you. I guess they wanted to put the American part in there so we "blacks" wouldn't feel left out or something, dunno. I could go on about that, but let's leave it.

I had on this nice long colorful festive skirt with these knitted earrings that I got from New Jersey that no one has. Of course I had my signature gold bangles up my arm with gold flip flops. Everyone was digging the skirt and asking me where did I get the earrings from. You know it feels good to have the only whatever it is. My hair was like Fantasia's with the flip/mohawk in the front. I try really hard to be orginal with a funky yet classy style.

Ok, so I was there with my mom at first. We walked and walked. You know I had a ball just looking at the products. I don't even really buy anything at the festival, but I love to look and eat! Matter of fact, that's the only reason why my mom wanted to go, to buy some fried fish. The fish was bangin too (bangin Ebonics for delicious/very good). So later I caught up with my girlfriend who had a table out there as well. I sat and chilled with her and her sister. Then I made several more rounds out there. I reunited with so many people I haven't seen in years, decades! It was sort of funny because most of them were skinny back then, but when I seen them, they are now very large...I say this because I used to envy them for being slim....now I'm thankful that I'm not their size.

Anyway, this one man was trying to sell me these nice bags with the Gye Nyame symbol on there. I asked him what is that symbol called. He looked at me in a funny way and said in his heavy african accent, "you know what that says." Lol, this man called me out, lol....lol...but I wasn't testing or trying to mock him, I honestly forgot how to pronounce it, that's why I asked. So I told him I know how to spell it, but just don't know how to say it (I forgot). So.....he said it for me and I was slowly repeating after him the proper pronouncation. I later asked him where was he from. He rolled his eyes at me, not rudely, but as if he was saying to himself, "ohhh lord, here we go again, the gal wants to know what country I'm from." Lol. Anyway, he said quickly, "Baltimore." I looked at him with my lips twisted, cuz I'm thinking, "brother, you know what I mean." So I said, "ok, ok, B'more that's cool, but what country are you from?" The man didn't want to answer me. So I started guessing....I said, "umm, you not nigerian (Nigerians carry themselves a certain way and he didn't carry himself that way), uhhh, are you ghanaian?" He said, "heck noo," I started laughing. Then I proceeded the game...."uhhh, uhh, umm, duhhh," he finally said, "Kenya". I'm thinking "ohhhhh, ok." I know my fellow africans get tired of people like me asking 50 million question especially the famous "where are you from?" question. It's all in love, and a good conversation piece as well people. Ok so this man starts telling me, he needs to work and bring in this money so he can afford me. I was laughing. He said (in his african accent), "seriously, you want to drive Mercedes, wear nice fancy clothes...I want to afford you and you are worth a lot...." Then he goes on to say, "you are worth like 45 cattle" WHAT!?!? I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Is he for real? I know I joke a lot, but he got me on that one. He said it with a straight face too, and calculating out loud of my worth saying, "not many men or it would take a lot to......he was mummbling. Honestly, I felt a lil insulted. 45 cattle, that's it?! Not even 50? Really I'm thinking at least 250, I have a degree, lol!!! I don't know how much 1 cattle is worth, whatever though. We had a nice mini conversation. He was just flirting with his short pot belly self....bless his heart.
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The only bad thing was that there were not one, not two, nor three, but 4 fights that broke out. It was terrible and embarrassing. Why can't we just all get along? They were kids too...little high school kids acting grown. Cops had to come out and arrest them. It was stupid.

But needless to say, that didn't stop the show, but I was ready to leave. I hate fights. I get this nasty weird feeling in my stomach when the are about to breakout. It ruins the mood.

You know, life is short. Enjoy the little things. Don't wait for something BIG to happen, just live and don't take the little things for granted. You can breath, walk and eat on your own. Let's thank God for that. We don't need a tube in our neck, or a machine to keep us alive. Stop complaining over the big and little things and let's be appreciative for everything. So what if you can't take that vacation...set up the backyard, or go to the beach. Smile! It's all good.

Warnings Signs

There were plenty of warnings signs that I should have taken notice when I was dating my potential husband. However, because of fear,naiveness, backslidden, desperate, and low self esteem, I couldn't get myself to acknowledge it and take the right actions (which was to leave his butt). Next thing you know, I was in too deep and I mean in too deep.


First of all, and most importantly as I mentioned above, I was (at the time) back slided from my relationship with God. It says in the bible to acknowledge God in all your ways and He will direct your paths....right? Well, I didn't. I didn't even ask or include God in this. I made my own judgements and decisions, big mistake. Just saying that right there, I messed up. Ok, now to the heart of the matter. First of all, he hung out with the wrong crowd. Need I say more! The people you keep around you, are a reflection of you. Let me insert this (commerical break), that 's why when or if I go on My Space and I see someone that may intrigue me, I ALWAYS check out their "friends list" to see what they are REALLY about or what they are into. Same with the locals. Get me. His friends/cousins were and some still are drug dealers. Stupid me, that was the biggest red flag ever. Just being in the drug dealer's world so much comes in that territory. The police for one, lots of house raids, fights, shooting, drugs (lol), alcohol (lots of it), strip clubs, std's, etc...why did I continue...we'll he said he loved me and I was different, blah, blah, blah. He said he didn't really want to sell drugs, but because they provided a roof over his head his cousins pretty much made him make "runs" for them. That was my boyfriend's way of paying for his stay, cuz he too was in college and broke. Another red flag was when he was thinking about becoming muslim or 5 percent....ok, this brother was lost and don't know what direction to take. Don't get me wrong, we all have our moments where we are finding ourselves....but muslim....nahhh, right there we would be unequally yoked and we would always be bumping heads on religious matters. Our belief value and customs were different....red flag again.
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Smoking weed and drinking was another red flag that I avoided. Speaking in a spiritual sense, did you know that when you open the door to sins like that, there are many demonic influences that come with it. It's almost like a snowball effect. Then later, I discovered the pornography...red flag again. He would even watch it while we were being intimate. Honestly, I felt disrespected when he did that...but I never spoke up about it. Since I mentioned that, let me say this. After he found out I was a virgin, I told him that I wasn't trying to do anything until I was married. He said ok, he'll wait. Several days later when I went to his place, he tried to get into my pants....another red flag, because he betrayed me, he lied, and disrespected me. Stupid me again went along with it because I was lonely, wanted to be wanted, and didn't know myself worth and value. Truth be told, that's when I should have left, but I felt sorry for him because of his history/childhood, and I wanted to be the "super" woman that change him from bad boy to good guy. Another red flag, he lied, not a lot, but enough, over stupid things he didn't have to lie about, or better yet didn't tell me the whole truth about a certain matter.


The crowd he hung with really played a part, but then again, that's what he was about but with me he was a sweet innocent country brother that wanted to get ahead in life. He would share his dream with me, how he would want to settle down, how he wanted to get out of the drug business, and me being included in his world, blah, blah, blah.... my naive self thought that was soooo sweet. One last thing. The brother wasn't focus. He didn't know what he wanted out of life. The funny thing is that I KNEW he wasn't the one for me. You know when you know better, but you do it anyway. Yeah, I knew....I knew, but I still continue because I was in love with him. Oh yeah, he was arrested and went to jail now that's when I really should have left. That would have been perfect, right when he was locked up, but I didn't.
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Ohhhhh nooooo, I'm pregnant, now what! Ok so now I'm in too deep. I told him and we didn't know what to do. All those years of me typing reports in high school on abortions being wrong, and now I am actually thinking about it. I was scared. Mind you, I come from a strict christian family home. If I tell my parents this, ohhhhhh lawdddddyyyy!!! Get me. Fast forward, told mom and mom told dad. My parents gave me an ultimatum. It was either get married or get married right now. I cried, because he wasn't' the one....this isn't the man God destined for me, but my parents weren't trying to hear that. Their thing was, "better to marry then burn". They didn't have a clue of what he was doing/did. So needless to say, we got married. Years later even in the marriage there were still lots of red flags, and many cases of infidelity, disrespect, verbal, emotional, and some physical abuse but I felt trapped. What could I do? Who could I tell? Where do I go? But you know, God saw it all and intervene. When God says enough is enough, then enough is enough. You know when you are fed up. I literally left everything behind me, even the house which has mucho equity. I was fed up. But you know...I have unspeakable peace, and joy in my heart. I don't worry or stress anymore over him. I'm happy again. Not saying everything is perfect because my children and I are living in one room and it's over crowded, I'm a little low on funds but hey, I'm at peace and happy. That is worth more to me.
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VERY IMPORTANT :
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I got my answer from God and God alone. Not friends, family, naysayers, t.v., pastor or preacher. I did some serious praying to God for years. Sure enough God did give me my answer AND He confirmed it many, many, many times. I see why the Lord confirmed it many times as He did, so I wouldn't waiver, doubt, or regret....asking myself did I do the right thing. Sure enough I had peace when to leave my husband. I even had help to haul all my belongs and children belongs. When God is in a thing, you have such peace you cannot describe. Trust me, I was scared to leave but you know, I couldn't take anymore abuse...I dealt with a lot over our 10 year marriage. Now I can start my life over and yes, God gave me a second chance. I am so happy, I can't explain it. For this season, I am being healed from all the abuse. God is doing a work in me....He's healing my heart, restoring me mentally, spiritually, and physically. God is building up my self esteem again, showing me my self worth and value, security, and the list goes on. It's like I'm living again and rediscoving myself. It's like rebirth of Angela.
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Life is too short to have your head down crying. I'm not crying anymore. I'm laughing with joy. I have God to give all the glory and praise because it was His grace that kept me from killing myself, His grace that helped me to to stand, and His grace to keep my sanity. My breakthrough is here and I am free from it all.